Feels just like UiTM all over again

If you studied, or even visited just one time the UiTM (formerly ITM), you would likely have an inkling what the security guards there are like.

Anal.

Superlatively anal.

Anal-itical.

Anal-icious to death.

Yep. They are the little Napoleans we all love to hate, and the give us more than enough reasons to do so.

Today at the coop I nearly got caught by the security guards for not complying to a little rule they've recently enforced.

And I fibbed (OK told 'em half truths).

I ran. I stowed away behind a friend.

I just didn't want to be caught. I've gone through enough times back in UiTM scribbling my name in the little black book belonging to numerous security guards there for breaking rules.

I'm don't want to start that here. I don't want to be in inked on anyone's book as an offender. As the pompuan who did not do this/that.

But I think they'll remember my face. I've been here too long to go unnoticed. I'm one of those faces that read, "You can intimidate me. You can make me do your bidding. You can show me just how powerful you are."

Oh crap. I think I'm in trouble. Should I start wearing make-up?

RIP Simoncelli

As a follower of MotoGP I'm not sure what to post here about the recent death of agressive, young rider, Marco Simoncelli.

I call him Rossi's brother cause they kinda look the same at one point (back when Simoncelli has slightly shorter hair and Rossi was doing his big hairdo). They even share a couple notable traits when it comes to competing: be brave, push the limits.

Yet IMHO a stark difference between these two riders is the fact that one is calculative, the younger one relies a lot on luck and faith. OK, it's not like Rossi has not crashed before. All of them do. Him, Simoncelli, Stoner, Hayden, Edwards, Pedrosa (oh who could forgot this year's incident that got some folks riled up when only Simoncelli was penalised... but I wouldn't go out to defend his "dangerous manouvre" either cause I'm not a rider, let alone a pro one)... who am I to judge?

All things aside, Simoncelli is a great rider. I mean, was.

Rest in peace.

p/s: A colleague of mine started a conversation about how the world is getting more grim, and the grim reaper is bla bla bla... (I was mentally blocking my ears and singing the Sesame Street theme song by then)...

Count with Sesame Street

My first love when it comes to Sesame Street is the Count. I mean, Batty Bat is simply classic. But John John count or what?



I feel like a kid once again!

"Undi la... Jangan tidur!"

I heard about Pete Teo's video fiasco, and took my time before viewing the Undilah clip at YouTube. Why? Cause I'm not sure whether I'll like it or not, or whether I'm ready for it or not.

When I finally did minutes ago, I guess I've come to a few observations:

1. I didn't like Namewee's rapping. It's still as terrible as his first infamous video. They should've gotten my favourite rapper, the Ipoh-mali Point Blanc. I mean, what a cutie...! Looks aside he is a damn good rapper!

2. I love it that they chose Ku Li to start the video. Those who's been dissing why they chose Ku Li over other BN faces eg Khairi Jamaluddin etc should read up on Ku Li's history, find out what he has done for the country, his struggles, his journey first, then figure out if your comments fit.

3. Nurul Izzah DO have a personality. Though they had to feature her in many frames before the personality finally showed up (vs Wardina who only needed a couple to shine), it is cool to see her act her age, remind people that she is one young leader who has potential to serve the country better.

4. I think the video should go on mainstream media - if the cheap-looking-video of N.D. Lala singing a tribute to our PM can be given airtime, why shouldn't this neat piece of PSA? I'm sure the catchy message will reach out to those who have not voted before to do so. It's strong, but not preachy, OK a bit preachy but for the right reason, right?

So how about a look at the video yourself?

Bad, or too bad?

This morning as I rush to a 9AM event I'm supposed to attend, I was confronted by the inevitable - traffic jam - which got worse as I check my watch.

I thought of taking a bus to main KL, and there are buses that stop right where I needed to be at, but as minutes pass I knew I had to take a cab if I want to reach the place on time.

I looked to my left and I saw a girl wearing a uniform of a cosmetic brand of which I happen to know has a shop near my destination. I dediced to go green and offer her to carpool, on my expense, of course.

I said to her, "Scusi miss, are you going to main KL cause I'm running late and I want to grab a cab, you wanna join me? I'll pay no worries."

She immediately gave me a spooked look. I tried again, "It's just that a cab fare is expensive and it's really not worth it if I'm the only one in it, since you look like you're heading that way too, I thought I'd just offer.."

"No." That's all she said, still looking as if I've just told her I'm converting her into my personal drug mule.

I said, "OK then, have a nice day."

A cab rolled by just in time for me to crash in, and the moment my butt made contact with the soft seat inside the spankin' new Saga FL taxi, it started to rain. As the cab swiftly head out to the highway, the rain poured harder and harder, making me think of the girl I spoke to at the bus stop and her nice rebonded hair and full make up.

I supposed I gotta respect her for not taking my offer - she may be just scared of things that seems to good to be true. A free ride in a comfy cab all the way to workplace could easily turn into a get-scammed-by-a-nice-lady-then-get-robbed-in-the-cab-by-the-boyfriend.

Wow, is that what we've come to? That folks in the urban area like KL need to be suspicious of others and it is harder now to be nice to people?

Too bad.

Anyway I got to the event I was supposed to attend. It started late, but it finished earlier than I had expected. So I decided to head to my actual workplace using public transport as it was near lunch time and traffic outside still did not look favourable.

As I head down to the nearest train station, a few promoters stopped me and offered brochures, while others hand out free samples.

Then a girl stopped me and asked if I can spare her 15 minutes to take a survey and try their new hand cream product which comes in four variety. "So sorry but I really don't have the time," I said without looking up.

"It's really not that long, you just put a bit in your hand and give us the feedback after letting your skin absorb it for two minutes, so four variety, 8 minutes only and a few more to write your feedback on the form. We'll give you a RM50 voucher to spend at our shop after you are done," she insisted.

I turned to her to decline once again, and whaddaya know, it was the girl at the bus stop. Her hair's all tied up now and looking a bit damped, obviously she got caught in a bit of a rain on her way to work.

I contemplated between saying no again just to spite her, or say yes just to prove to her I'm one of the few good guys left in this alam yang fana (read: pathetic world we live in).

Just as I was about to give her my answer, my mobile phone buzzed and the SMS from my superior flashed on screen, WHERE ARE YOU?

He's always asking me that each time it slipped that he sent me to attend events. Ah well. Not that I was going to say yes anyway.

And Michael Jackson sings,

Because I'm bad, I'm bad-come on

(Bad bad-really, really bad)

You know I'm bad, I'm bad-you know it

(Bad bad-really, really bad)

You know I'm bad, I'm bad-come on, you know

(Bad bad-really, really bad)

And the whole world has to answer right now

Just to tell you once again

Who's bad?

Hmm..

Kempunan Pizza Hut's Chunky Loaded

I'm not sure if there's a English word for "kempunan". Roughly translated it means a craving not satisfied and that it leaves a sense of sorrow that might stay in your heart forever as whatever it was the person craved for may no longer be available in the future.

It's like a 90 old woman craving for her grandma's homemade chocolate chip cookies... Or Jackie O craving for JFK's omelette... (er they're both dead so that means I'm raving, didn't have my coffee yet..)

OK, maybe I should've stopped at craving not satisfied... but if you've seen the film Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup, you'd know that Pekan and Melur's mom took her kempunan heart to her death... ngap!

In any case, my little kempunan story has got to do with Pizza Hut. And it's latest pizza variation, the Chunky Loaded Pizza.

Last night I thought it's been several days of rice, and I needed a break. So at 7.30 I contacted the usual number 1300882525... waited... got someone to talk to me and the guy redirected me to a PHD number, 1399822020.

Had to call the second time, and by 7.34 after hearing the current promotions four times I managed to get the line picked up by a human.

All that trouble and the guy on the line told me, "Chunky Loaded kita tak deliver la kak. Kakak datang restoren la." (We don't deliver Chunky Loaded. Come to the restaurant la.)

Why? The guy do not know why PHD do not deliver Chunky Loaded.

So I decided since I've gone through all the hassle, by hook or by crook I'm gona eat some pizza anyhow.

I asked for the value set. It's supposed to come with a regular pizza, two canned drinks and a choice of four chicken something or two bowls of mushroom soup. I made my order and the guy told me to allow for 30 minutes for the delivery. OK. By the time I hanged up, it was 7.40.

I went on with a bit of chores then realised at 8.15 that my pizza is late. I gave it another 5 minutes and made a call to enquire. "Kak our rider has left and he will be arriving soon, please give it another five to ten minutes?"

"OK."

But 15 minutes passed on and still no pizza.

I called again and told him that it's been nearly an hour since I ordered my pizza.

"Kak it seems here the rider has left and we're not sure if he's arrived," said the PHD guy.

"The reason I called is to tell you that he hasn't. If my pizza's here I would not be calling, no?"

"But our rider has left."

"I'm really hungry now and the kids are furious. So I'd like to cancel my order," I replied, not really interested in pizza anymore at this point.

"Cancel? Cancel. OK la cancel ya."

"OK thank you." And I waited for a bit in case the guy wants to apologize or offer me a discount coupon for my next order, but nothing. I hanged up.

After a trip out with the boys for some street side burgers, at 10.30 around about I received a call from an unknown number.

"Kak, this is Pizza Hut, were you the one who orders a value meal earlier?"

"Yes, why?"

"So macamana ni kak?" (So how now?)

"The boys got really hungry and furious, I just got back from a trip out for burgers. I made three calls and canceled the order after waiting for over an hour for the delivery."

"Oh cancel ya? Sorry, we had problems bla bla bla bla. That's why I called you back. So how now?"

"If you want to deliver now for free, I'll take it."

"We'll see how. We're still sorting out the problems bla bla bla bla."

"OK when you can deliver, call me. And I don't want to pay for it."

"OK we'll try," said the guy before we cut the line. Again, a tiny flicker of hope materialised in me.

Maybe I can sahur with the pizza, thought this stupid little person who thinks the world still gives her a damn.

I bet you can guess how the story ends.

I case you can't, I'll tell you this: The world doesn't give a damn and Pizza Hut just got me all kempunan...

Selamat Hari Raya

Hi there,

This Chicken would like to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin.

Cheers!

Don't go to the streets, go online

It's quite a read, Malaysian bloggers and netizens today, so much so I got slurped into the topic concerning Penang's ban on al-Quran recitals over loudspeakers in the morning.

You can immediately see who's thinking, and who's simply talking cock. I just hope the work of the forum moderators at all the media sites (lefties, righties, got aah anyone being totally unbiased?) will get easier - but for this to happen I guess they'd be praying for Malaysians to read and proof their comments before clicking that Submit Comment button - hmm.

As I read on, I can't help but laugh out loud when I came across a Greenpeace-wannabe prosecutes both those who support having the recitals done as well as those who opposed. He/She commented that those who support are contributing to sound pollution "which is damaging to our ears" at the same time accused those who opposed being likely joss stick burners and papier-mache makers - who in turn are "encouraging serious, repetitious air pollution", adding that like many people his/her age, this person will "do away with the burning and stop teaching children to waste paper for senseless burning". Wow. Talk about arguing from all facets. I takut... hahahah - now you see why I kept reading those comments?

Another netizen also asked if anyone knowns a good sound-proofing contractor as he/she lives next to a temple that "must have bells made from sound hell". Muah hah hah!

However I'm glad to see these folks airing their complaints via these effective and impactful channels instead of going to the streets.

I can hear you guys more clearly this way.

Kamon la Harian Metro...

For some odd reason, whenever I got nothing better to do I read the newspaper. OK lah, not reading as in reading, more like reading as in flipping.

I love the NST page on celebrities (that one odd page 40) and I like Harian Metro's Info Minda. But today's Info Minda is a real... kick-ass! I don't know if I should laugh or feel insulted instead.

You decide.

If you can't make it out, the info-of-the-day provided reads (and translates to) "The horse has more bones than human."

C'mon la Joe!

Chicken staying put

Lately there's been talk in the Coop about certain Chickens elevating themselves into Chicken2 (read: Chicken to the power of 2 or simply, Chicken-Chicken) level. Heard those who did not deserved to get the rank got them, while those who has been focusing solely on farting eggs along with other deadwood did not. Heard those who did get elevated are mostly loved by Other Farmers, Barbarians and others who possess the special power to elevate.

So what's in it for This Chicken? What does it all mean?

It means shit, really. Not in the shit Oh-shit! kinda way, more like shit nothing and shit who cares, if you know what I mean. And This Chicken is not alone. A few more just like This Chicken, also do not mind at all if we're not called Chicken2. It doesn't matter if we've delivered golden eggs before and Farmers just don't recognise the value of having a Golden Chicken like us....

As long as we're left alone, we're OK.

I'm so beat

It's Ramadhan once again, and despite having colleagues leave earlier than I do to avoid traffic jam (which translates to me being able to go back early too) and not having too many events to attend, I am feeling sooooooooooo tired.

What's up?

I think it's age. It can't be lifestyle cause my lifestyle hasn't changed much.

So it is age. And the fact that I haven't been able to drink cups and cups of coffee since the holy month started.

I think the remedy might come in the form of Kopi Che Nah and Nescafe. Oooh I wonder what it would taste like if I fusion the two into a good pulled mug. Steaming hot. With kaya toast on the side.

I can't believe I'm still swayed by food during Ramadhan at this age!

Sigh. It's age.

Selamat berpuasa and selamat beribadat to all.

Maybank oh Maybank (Part II)

Thank you Maybank for responding to my complaint, which I lodge over the e- facilities at Maybank2u.com.

And thank you to Ms Norhashima of Maybank Taman Midah for responding to me with high level of competency, professionalism and my, oh, my, sincere budi bahasa. What a rare thing manners are nowadays, and I note with great pleasure that there are still folks who practice it! It is exactly what I had hoped from Maybank.

Let me tell you what happened.

On Monday (today), around 6PM I got a call on my mobile phone and Ms Norhashima kindly tackled my complaint in a very organised manner.

She first checked if I am the person who lodge the complaint.

Then she reinvestigated the incident of which I spoke of.

Next, she asked if my coins were correctly deposited.

After which, she assured me that such incident will not happen again, and even if they are busy and have to instruct customers to simply trust the staff on duty to bank in the coins on their behalf and leave without receiving the customer copy of the deposit slip, the staff on duty will do their best to assure customers that no hanky panky will take place.

And when I suggested that it doesn't hurt to have the staff being more polite the next time, Ms Norhashima said the bank will take my complaint positively and act accordingly.

I also alerted Ms Norhashima about the poor old uncle slapping down passbooks in anger at the front desk. She was surprised that the front desk girl did not conduct a specific set of steps that has been set by the bank for such cases. Thus she said no wonder the uncle got mad, and that is such a shame cause Maybank actually has a fixed procedure for such cases.

Since I got a chance to help the bank improve, I also told Ms Norhashima of the previous incident which happened to me before, regarding opening a bank account for company use. Again she was surprised why the staff on duty, (a certain Mr L but I didn't tell her that) did not inform us the right procedure and instead we were forced to come to the bank four times before something as straightforward as opening a bank account could be completed.

We parted on a high note, and I thank her for her kind and swift response to my complaint. Maybank, I think you should reward Ms Norhashima for her skills and courage in following up on a fussy customer like me :)

Maybank oh Maybank

Sometimes I wish the Coop I work for will change its directions and switch to another bank to deliver our monthly pay. Right now we're stuck with the biggest bank in the country, Maybank.

Man... where do I start. Not that I think the bank's service is very bad, but in certain branches the staff tend to be the kind of people you wish you never met.

Take today for example.

There we were, in Maybank Taman Midah just under ten minutes after the bank opened its doors for business. With a bag of coins to deposit.

We went up a floor to where the counters are and saw someone inside Counter 7, where the coin counter machine is in operation.

That someone came out quicker than we thought. Just as we were about to enter, one fine-dressed man beat us to it.

Now why isn't Counter 7 added as part of the bank's queue system?

Then the kiasu fellow also came out quicker than we expected.

We entered, thinking "Wow, the staff on duty must have been very efficient to service its 3rd customer before the clock hits 9.45AM."

We gave our deposit slip and bag of coin. The woman on duty took it.

"OK yew keluar," she said after placing the bag under the counter, shooing us out like we're a couple of hens.

"Huh?"

"Yew bole keluar sekarang." She shooed us again.

"What about my deposit?"

"Nanti saya masuk yew punya duit. I'm busy now." She promised us, sounding just like a mama-san giving orders to one of working girls.

"What about my deposit slip? Then how will I know if I counted correctly, or if you've found some foreign coins?"

"Nemmind, I will do everything for yew. You no need to stay."

"Eh, cannot lah like this. I want to make sure my coins are safely deposited."

"Yew takmau yew boleh angkat la yew punya duit," she challenged crossly.

Wow, how about that, huh?

So we went down and tried asking the front desk staff if they can help us with this situation. The front desk guys were busy trying to pacify one old man who seemed to be quite peeved over something. And suddenly the old man slapped down two passbooks in front of the two staff.

"BLA BLA BLA!!!" said the old man in Cantonese. Everyone dropped what they were doing the moment the old man shouted. "BLA BLA BLA!!!" he went again and more people peered from inside the office.

He then collected his passbooks and went out.

Just then a guy in a three-piece suit hobbled out, pretending to look for the old man. "Where is he? What happened?" he asked, peering out through the glass doors.

"He was asking to update his books, but he got angry." said the frontdesk staff, who don't seemed to be that upset over the situation.

We decided that the branch has had enough angry fellows for the day. So we quietly inquired our problem, and was told that what the Counter 7 staff did is "normal".

We kept thinking that such a practice is not a good one cause the staff can easily swindle money - though it would be quite unpractical to smuggle coins but hey, it still can be done and coins are still money. A little from each customer can get you quite a big sum at the end of the day.

Bottom-line is, it is just not professional.

We figured we just had to let this one go and have faith that Maybank staff in Taman Midah branch (as well as others) are a bunch of trustworthy folks, even if some are a bit rude (or unintentionally rude, perhaps just can't speak good English or Bahasa Malaysia).

With that we approached the branch's cash deposit machine and started to deposit some cash. Just as the machine confirmed the amount of the bills we've put in, we hit the confirmed button.

And waited. (For it to confirm our deposit.)

And waited. (For it to dispense the receipt.)

And after a bit more waiting, finally a receipt came out and told us that we need to approach the bank to confirm that our bills have safely been deposited.

We looked at the queue in front of the front desk, a flock of customers had suddenly started to create a long line.

Apparently all the machines had gone offline.

Sigh... Another round at the front desk.

And we were not the only ones have a complaint... Check this link...

Cabbie's perspective of Bersih 2.0?

It was raining. In fact, while this post is being typed, it is still raining.

I was running late, and apparently the LRT is stuffed. Forget that, I thought to myself, I'll grab a cab instead. So there I was, at a bus stop near home, neck peering out hoping for a sight of a vehicle don in red and blue.

And there it was! Barely two minutes after setting my butt on the cold tiled bench, a cab showed up. I hailed, and it stopped.

"[Blip!] can, uncle?" I requested as I saw a white-haired Tionghua gentleman behind the wheel.

"Can. Where in [Blip!]?"

"[Blip Blip!]"

"Oh you work for the press?"

"Yes."

"So you will be covering the 907 rally?"

"No, I only write about technology. Will you be going?"

"No, I'm old but not crazy hahahahaha! This cab is not mine, if I venture in KL that day who knows what kind of damage I'll be paying for. I have to figure some other way to make RM40 for the cab rent," he said, I'm not sure if he was going to get angry once he recalled which media I work for.

"I'll be staying at home too."

"That's a smart thing to do. I don't understand why those folks feel like they need to do this. They're busy trying to overthrow those people on top, but they forget people like me still need to make a living. You see I don't have high education, I have tons of bills and fees to pay, and I got a family to look after. I bet those folks are just like me too, except for those lawyers and doctors and other professionals joining, so aren't they concerned that their action will cause a drop in business? Those mall merchants won't make money as other people are afraid to go shopping. One day of no business is a lot of money you know," he lectured slowly.

"I know. What about you uncle, apart from the RM40, what else will you be losing?"

"I have a few regulars, those people who work in KLCC but live in Bangi, Sri Kembangan and Sungai Way. I've cancelled ahead with those folks, that's near RM150 of fare - one of them said he will call another cab. I doubt if he's going to get one. A lot of my cabbie friends won't be going out. We all hate this rally thing. If our cab gets smashed up who's gonna pay for it? You think the Bersih 2.0 organisers will pay? I think it is likely things will get ugly once the police comes in..."

Isn't it ironic?

It's like raieain... on your wedding day

It's the free rideeeee.... that you've already paid

It's the good adviceeee... that you just didn't take

So sings Alanis... The song played on and on in my mind today after buying Vitagen from a small time agent slash roadside seller. So I SMSed my friend after lunch today.

"Eh, I tak faham la, what happened lah wei?" asked my friend.

"Takdelah, today after lunch as we were walking back to the office I saw one akak and her daugther selling Vitagen on the pavement outside my office. I got a bit kesian as well as ternostalgia sikit, you know when I was that girl's age Vitagen is a luxury. I feel jealous everytime the Vitagen van comes to school and friends buying in bulk to take home. My sis and I would feel so guilty to ask mom or dad for money to buy just a bottle each.... So I went to buy a pack of 5 for RM3.50 from the seller."

"Then what happened?"

"I was with three colleagues, and right after I bought them two of them started a conversation about the virtues of Vitagen. One of them said Vitagen can cause cancer, the other one said Vitagen can destroy vaginas."

"What the f... ?"

"The one who said Vitagen can cause cancer also said it is better if one takes Yakult."

"Really aah?"

"Not sure lah. My third colleague said she buys Vitagen for her kids, and that the bad rep on Vitagen could've been a doing of Yakult sales team. But you know how we drink colas and eat fried chicken? One has lots of sugar, can cause diabetes and the other is laden with cholesterol?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Just that we live dangerously."

"I was eating an apple this morning as I took the stairs down to the basement carpark - nearly choked when I saw a little girl with a big, ugly like hell dog on a leash. I thought I nearly died."

"What are you getting at?"

"Just that you can die from eating something as harmless as an apple."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Hmm. Want a Vitagen?"

"Sure."

Thanks for the discount, Rajnikhant

Good news for fans of Rajnikhant, the king is out of the hospital and is now in good health. So I heard from my cabbie's radio this afternoon.

I was at Sunway trying to get a ride back to the coop when a cab finally stopped and offered to send me to Bangsar, as per meter price plus RM2 (this is cheap considering most cabbies in Sunway will ask you for extra RM5 on top of what's displayed on the meter).

So there we were, listening to some groovy Tamil songs when suddenly the DJ gets talking and I can only catch a few words (among others, vanakam and serri) when the name Rajnikhant popped up. I asked the cabbie, "Sorry could you just translate the deejay, is Rajnikhant out of the hospital already?"

The cabbie nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, yes, he's better now. Just yesterday I read about his kidney failure and he's going downhill, but today all of a sudden he's better," he translated.

"I see... So that robot movie won't be his last then," I commented.

"Oh are you a fan?"

"Not so much of his fan, but I do enjoy his movies. I still could not get over Chandramukhi," I said, and told him the actress did a fantastic job of being possessed in that film.

"I love that one too. It's one of his best ever. You've seen the robot one?" asked the cabbie.

"No la."

At that point we arrived at my destination. "So it is RM16, plus RM2 for the tol, and another RM2 extra right?" I said as I fished through my big bag.

"Eh RM16 is already inclusive the tol. Can give me RM16 enough."

"What about the RM2 extra you asked earlier?"

"Eh nevermind la. Save it for Rajnikhant's next movie ticket," he suggests.

Thanks!!!!

Farmer, Farmer, where art thou (head/brain/IQ)?

So Farmer just asked This Chicken to start farting eggs on this new app called Sweeter.

Farmer: From now on, not all eggs need to be farted out as usual. Some will be pushed to Sweeter.

This Chicken: Which ones should go on Sweeter? And which ones to go as usual?

Farmer: Er, which ones do you think should go on Sweeter?

This Chicken: Er, Brown Eggs stuff? Cause they tend to be smaller than Big Brown Eggs?

Farmer: OK. Brown Eggs then. So how do you do it? You have a plate thing that can do Sweeter right?

This Chicken: No, all I have is a regular plate.

Farmer: You ask lah some plate maker to give you a plate that can do Sweeter.

This Chicken: Ask who?

Farmer: Whoever, just tell em you need a Sweeter-friendly plate.

This Chicken: Me, ask those big plate makers? Why would they give me any? I'm a nobody.

Farmer: OK, you ask, then I'll follow up.

This Chicken: And who do we Sweeter-talk to? Whose gonna eat those Sweetened eggs?

Farmer: Everyone la. Just push to everyone on the Clouds.

This Chicken: Er, you know Sweeter works when you actually have folks Sweetened to you. If you don't have Sweetened folks, you'd be farting eggs, but no one will eat them.

Farmer: Can't it be a one-road to heaven kinda thing?

This Chicken: Of course you can, but the eggs will be in the clouds and no one will know about it because there's a gazillion stuff on the Clouds. When this happens, how do you tell Bigger Farmers that your farted eggs on Sweeter has been eaten by anyone at all?

Farmer: Really? Hmm. But can be done, right?

This Chicken: If you like. Fart as much as we can on many plates. Sure, but the issue here - to ensure our necks don't get slaughtered, don't you need to prove your eggs are gobbled up? Isn't that the goal - that you fart eggs on many plates, usual and Sweeter so that more people eat our eggs and in turn our necks gets awarded with some diamond studs?

Farmer: Hmm. OK why not you fart out those issues and I'll tell em Bigger Farmers.

This Chicken: (NO, CAUSE THAT'S YOUR THING TO FART, NOT MINE. I JUST FART REGULAR BROWN EGGS ON REGULAR PLATES.) Er, no lah. I think you are better at doing it.

In case you didn't know what's happenning by the end of this post, call me.

Missing Jamiroquai

It's been a while since I had a dose of Jay Kay.

Back then when I was still dancing to Canned Heat and King for a Day, Jay Kay was my muse each time writer's block hits. Now, I simply drink coffee like regular folks whenever my brain refuse to work.

Speaking of Jay Kay, read online that his last gig was quite a blast, in spite of his lack of fitness from too-much-partying lifestyle. Ah well he is 42 this year.

I'm still harbouring hopes that one of these days he'll come down Malaysia for a quiet little do and I'll finally get to see him live. If it had to come down to Genting Group bringin him in to blow 52 candles on his yoghurt birthday cake, I'd still pay for that.

But in any case please, concert organisers, STOP BRINGING IN MICHAEL LEARNS TO ROCK! I don't care if they're 25 minutes early!

p/s: Photo borrowed from www.striptm.com/album/v2/foto.php?codFoto=419

Farmer, thy is like tis annoying mosquito

Oh how this Chicken pines for some peace within the Coop.

Last couple of weeks, the Farmer annoyed the heck out of this Chicken so much so this Chicken do not know what to say when come the weekend, the Farmer got the cheek to ask This Chicken for help. As if all the sarcasm that went into Farmer's speech a few days before that weekend didn't happen.

C'mon! R.E.S.P.E.C.T! Is that too much to ask.

And today. Today the morning started so nicely for this Chicken and the Farmer had to ruin it again by doing another booboo.

First at 10AM this Chicken got a wire saying, "Go here. 1PM. Fart eggs."

So this Chicken replied the wire, "Please give more details about 'here'. Where's 'here' exactly?"

No reply to this wire.

This Chicken tried calling for more details. No one answered.

Oh-kay. How do we do this, think Chicken, think. So says Chicken to meself.

This Chicken tried calling other Chickens. A few calls and no one seems to know about this particular egg-thing.

Finally this Chicken went to the general whereabouts of 'here'. Spent 30 minutes combing the bloody building then finally found what seems like a potential egg-thing happening.

Thank goodness it was the right 'here'. And I guess thank you Farmer for giving this Chicken a chance to exercise, window shop, consider reflexology in between and fart an egg out.

Sheeeeeesh...

Happy Birthday ma fwen

Here's an open wish to my friend, Jem, for her 33rd birthday. And hope you've gotten over that can of sardine I got you for your 14th birthday years ago..

p/s: Happy birthday Gila-Gila!

Kaching..!

As Chickens in the Coop flap our wings excitedly at the notion of big bags of Chicken Feed, This Chicken knows not to expect too much. And true enough, as the big bags of Chicken Feed were distributed, only a lil sum ended up near This Chicken's dwelling space.

The Big Farmers said there's bound to be lots for every Chicken alive, but This Chicken knows it is all, well, pretty much 'talk-cock'. And only those who talks cock get most of the stuff inside the big bags of Chicken Feed.

After years of farting brown eggs, This Chicken knows exactly what she deserves, and she deserves it, really.

Like a few extra bags of Chicken Feed is such a big thing. It isn't. Not when This Chicken knows the kind of brown eggs she's been farting out is not exactly hot stuff. Otherwise This Chicken might be one of those Chickens who are right now angered by what lil sum that they've gotten for the brown eggs they've farted out.

Sigh. When will these Chickens learn? When will they stop trusting the words of the Farmers and Big Farmers and Bigger Farmers? That only the akhem, Loved Chickens like Lil Napo and Blue Eyed Boy will get most of the Chicken Feed? That unless you're willing to do the akhem, kepak fanning, you'll never get to be a Loved Chicken?

That whatever else extra you get down here in this Coop is good enough as it is. That is, if you're just a Chicken like me.

Today between 8.45AM to 10.15AM

Inevitably, I do age. We all do, but don't let me be the one to remind you.

But since I've gone ahead and done that, let me be the one to remind you that there are ways to keep young. Feel young. Whatever, but somehow you'll feel good inside la.

The grand 'stay young' tip goes like this: Find a way to instantly switch on your inner fresh-grad self.

(I mean c'mon, who really wants to be 16 again - I wana help you feel young, not young and ops sorry shtupid. I didn't say stupid cause generally you hardly find a stupid 16 year old but lately it is getting quite frequent that you see a 16 year old who is not yes wise in the ways of the world, but they act like a shmuck. So shtupid it is. Cause stupmuck is just way too confusing.)

Anyway let me tell you how I do it, this instant feel young switch.

Everytime I feel like getting in touch with my inner fresh grad self, I take the public transport and go through my going to my second job commute. My route back then starts at Cheras' STAR station, get off at Plaza Rakyat, a little walk through the scary parts behind Puduraya to the bus stop in front of Kotaraya, then long-wait-short-ride on the bus to Jalan Bangsar.

So this morning I managed to get myself to a STAR station - the moment I encountered the rude girl manning the ticket booth, little strings in my system started to stir.. And as she fumbled for my 20 sen change and the Sentul Timur bound train zoomed by... my inner fresh grad self woke up!

But waking up (my dear friends would tell you I'm bad at waking up in the morning) is not enough. You gotta do the dance.

So I put on a little music - Cinta Kita by Maman Teacher's Pet played on my little 2GB Sony Walkman. I waited for the next train.

It came sooner than I'd hoped, but I hopped on anyway. My inner fresh grad dance began to take over my system.

The dance goes like this. On a train, don't sit. Stand next to the door so that you can see the world goes by at 40kmph. I did just that.

Next, don't be a good girl. If you see anyone not giving up his or her seat to a more deserving passenger, give em a good icy cold glare. Better if you can make the folks on the entire row feel uneasy. I did get a chance to do this!

Once your stop arrives, don't get pantsy. Wait for the door to open and make those guys trying to get in before the folks inside disembark wait as well. If there are some of them trying to get in anyway, give em a good shove using your big bag. Just turn 45 degrees as the guy passes your side and walk out as if you were the thinnest model that would not dream of getting any stranger DNA rub on your expensive get up. Yep, I did this too.

As my dance ended, I walked through the scary Puduraya back route. Though it is less scary than before, to appease my inner fresh grad self I pretended that I was still the same young exec who carries a door-gift swiss knife with 256MB USB drive attached.

I was quite pleased to discover that a bunch of new stalls are in operation right outside Puduraya as well as next to Ancasa Hotel. Back then when I was a fresh grad, there are always exciting small stuff on sale at these bazaars, but I could not afford them. Again, to appease my inner fresh grad self, I didn't buy any knick knack.

As I approached the bus stop, I saw that the Pantai Dalam bound Metro bus had just left the station. That's alright - it's just like back then. I know what to do.

I continued walking towards CM, passed my old hound Yusoof & Zakhir Restaurant aka Lorong Katak. Tokyo Jihen's Killer Song accompanied me as I trot along.

Oh no, CM. How could I just walk by. I decided a stroll around the areas would take less than 10 minutes and went for it. After all, that's what my inner fresh-grad self would do.

As expected, I encountered the overzealous guards trying to shoo away the private college students loitering, the guy who says hello to everybody, the water-colour and acrylic artistes, the handsome pony-tailed 'braders' wearing Slayer t-shirt, the I-look-tough-with-black nail polish girls... Ah, it was year 2002 once again!

So what keeps you young? A game of Pong? An NKOTB song? Find out. I'm sure you got a switch in there somewhere.

Everyone can blog! But can everyone keep blogging?

Right after lunch we met a colleague, who looked kinda dazed as she made her way to the nearby eatery.

"I've just been asked to blog," she explained. That's what we heard, but I also heard, "I think I've just been 'awarded' a 'punishment'," in the tone of her voice.

"Blog about what?" we asked.

"Fashion," she said simply. I thought I also heard an "Egad!!!" in her little reply.

Thing is our friend here is a writer alright, but fashion is not exactly her beat. (She's a business journalist.)

So I tried, "So you've been asked to blog about the fashion industry from business perspective?"

"Er, um. I guess. Since the person who asked me to start blogging had just been given a title, I just said yes lah." Again, her reply pregnant with uncertainties.

"Ah well, good luck with that," we wished her before parting.

Oh man, talk about taking the fun out of something! I mean if I were asked to blog about something I don't know about, I probably could, but I'm not so sure if I can keep posting entries after entries about it.

After all, blogging is easy. Just like bitchin' (s'cuse my French). But to keep blogging about something you have no idea or interest in - now that's challenging. Not to mention boring...

Chicken's back!!!

Dear oh dear, tis 2011 and it's this Chicken's God-knows-how-many-years-tis-been year blogging. Can't believe I'm still blogging - and to think they say blogging is losing steam (well they've been saying that since 2009 anyway, but who cares?).

And this Chicken has a great entry this morning.

Guess what Farmer has asked this Chicken to fart out, all in the spirit of the new year? Yep! That's right. This Chicken has been tasked to take over a little stupid basket started by a stupid Barbarian back in the cave years.

Thing is, this little basket is so useless that all this while This Chicken has never even grant a glance through. The morning went like this:

Farmer: Chicken, can you fart out a couple of eggs to fill up this basket?

Chicken: Er this basket? What is it about ya?

Farmer: Oh you know, about something funny and quirky and not-so-eggy. Hmm I don't know?

Chicken: Actually, all this while that the Barbarian started this basket, I really didn't get it either.

Farmer: The basket says it's a basket of things you can learn something about.

Chicken: And the funny, quirky, not-so-eggy part?

Farmer: Tak tahulah I. (I'm not sure either.)

Chicken: So what do want me to fart out then.

Farmer: Anything lah.

Chicken: If it's anything then I rather suggest we kill this basket. Why waste coop space?

Farmer: OK, OK. (Thinking hard...) Anything not so straight-forward eggy.

Chicken: Just a couple of those?

Farmer: Yes.

Chicken: Will do.

Moral of the story. If you're a farmer and you're running a coop, make sure you know everything about it. Otherwise the chickens will laugh at you.

Happy New Year!