What a coupla weeks out of the Coop can do

OK.

So This Chicken's been away from the Coop nearly a coupla weeks already. I'm sure by now eggs are laying on the desk waiting to be hatched but the rest of it are not really anyone's business, not even This Chicken's.

At home, no grouses, no holiday plans, nothing much to do except washing when the sun shines, watching halfway through soap operas from Indonesia, peck a bit at this and that...

.. and out of being so bored not bitching about The Farmer, The Barbarians nor Lil Napoleanina, This Chicken logged in onto her Yahoo!Mail and started digging some old, unopened forwarded emails saved for days exactly like this.

Yes, I read about what Anwar Ibrahim supporters are so passionate about. And the email prompted This Chicken to check out a link in YouTube. Hmm... funny how Anwar Ibrahim's speech about how he'll lower the pricing of minyak in YouTube is somehow tagged Ida Nerina Fauzi Nawawi Main Minyak Part 2.

Whateverlah. 

Like This Chicken care what Anwar Ibrahim, Ida Nerina or Fauzi Nawawi wants to do in their spare time.

Sigh.

Truth is This Chicken is quite embarassed. Not cause This Chicken just owned up to being curious about a left wing political hard sell speech nor having logged into YouTube and bumped into a sex video footage instead.

It is more of being embarassed over what goes on in This Chicken's head. It goes like:

So one guy wanna take over the country. 

This Chicken's immediate internal response: Ye la tu..

And two guys wanna do a 69.

This Chicken's immediate internal response: Takde keje la tu..

How could a Chicken who's been raised right by the parents can look at all this and not have any strong negative reaction towards it. Shouldn't it be like:

One wanna take over the country. 

This Chicken's immediate internal response: Who are you to take over the country when all you have given us is Bahasa Baku? And you were Menteri Kewangan 91 -98 as you've pointed out in the video I just watched, and you allowed slashing of education fund first during the recession? Real smart ya? 

Two wanna do a 69.

This Chicken's immediate internal response: Orang mesia ni takde kerja bodoh lain ke nak buat? Pegi tanam padi pakai kuku kambing pun kira OK lagi..

At least these kind of initial retorts would've been more er.. appropriate? Or is This Chicken's way too dumbed-down already to even worry about the country's political future and the rakyat's (celebs are rakyat too ya) moral?

Guess tis just The Chicken being out of touch with the world.

Enter the power-hungry Barbarians! Ach!

New characters has entered the Coop, and this Chicken is all unhappy about it. Barbarians - ooh, chickens in the coop are all trembling in "fear" and laughter.

To document this new characters is quite hard, frankly, as this Chicken knows not where to begin.

They claim they know everything. They claim technology is dead and the world is flat.

They like to mess around in the Coop, causing the Farmer to quake in his shoes. Yes, the Farmer is being bullied by the Barbarians.

The Barbarians are taking over the Coop because the can, and our dear ol' Farmer is too afraid to retaliate. Even when there is a threat to slaughter Farmer's beloved Angels, the Farmer is not doing anything at all as he was too busy not doing his farmerly duties.

While it is a lot of fun to see ol' Farmer being cornered, bullied and laughed at, us Chickens in the Coop is always aware that if the Farmer's not flexin' his muscles on even a bit of farming, us Chickens might just get slaughtered one, by, one. It will not just be the Angels.

Oooh... but this Chicken recently started a nasty rumour that those wanker Barbarians are also aiming to take away Farmer's beloved Little Napoleanina out of the farm as well. Woohoo!

Now us Chickens know what it is like to be the bad guy!

Exciting enough, but on a more serious note, this Chicken is wondering just how much more shitty can life in the Coop be?

In case you're wondering how us Chickens are coping, suffice to say we are now pecking methodically in the Coop to look good. Layin' low for now..

p/s: Go see Bolt in 3D!

Chicken talks about dasar pandang ke Donkey

Dasar pandang ke Donkey is actually is very practical approach to adopt while working in the Coop, as This Chicken can safely tell you. The dasar pandang part already suggests that you should follow the best example, and the ke Donkey pretty much sums up the fact that the Donkey is the best example to follow, as of right now.

I mean, why bother with doing any egg-laying activities when your eggs will end up not collected, not used and not sold by the Farmer?

Why is that happenning, you may ask? Well it is because the Farmer has his lovely pets, Lil Napoleanina and The Other to rely on for eggs. Not that they're bad chickens themselves, more of not the right kind of chickens for the Coop if you must ask for my humble opinion.

And it doesn't help if the Big Big Farmers of the Coop already told the Farmer that the right kind of eggs would be the regular brown that all consumers love. Less on the cholesterol and preferably washed before packaged. Simple ain't it?

But it is just that the Farmer is not liking this simple change. Oh no, no, sir. The Farmer loves whatever shade of eggs the Lil Napoleanina and The Other farts out. Whatever comes out of their butts must be good, so he believes.

No, no, sir, plain brown eggs is not his thing.

So why should this Chicken bother farting out eggs right? So this Chicken is going to do the Donkey.

The dasar pandang ke Donkey is the way to do it. This Chicken's gonna sit down at her nook in the Coop, turn me head to the left and look behind me shoulder and see what the Donkey does.

Which is nothing.

And that is what this Chicken will imitate.

A little song to go with this (sing it like you sing Oh My Darlin' Clementine):
Do the donkey
Do the donkey
Do the donkey la la laaa...
Do the donkey
Do the donkey
Do the donkey la la laaa!

Life is good...

Orientally alone

Waaahhh! I'm hooked on this new hobby. Previously I take shots of my lovely phoot whenever I had to travel alone. Now I'm taking my own shadow (plus my lil' point-n-shoot camera of course)!

Great achievement for the Chicken this is! Huhuhuhu! Wo ji ke ren zhai Shanghai. Wo te 24-hour Internet connection shi hen fast. Excuse my Mandarin now.

Bored, bored, bored

I am so bored. I wish I have some new DVDs to watch. Hopefully films that has nothing to do with coops, chickens, donkeys or asses, eggs and so on.. and so on..

I went to a few sites to get some stuff to watch, but connection's bad.

ASTRO's not behaving either (it's not even raining yet). TV2 had Chef Wan cooking a while ago but after that none of the free-to-air channels had anything good.

I went over my old movies collection. Found some old films. I've rewatched:

. Two Weeks Notice
. Wedding Singer
. Amelie
. Legally Blond

And now it's not even 4PM yet! Argh!

OK. Off to Fanfiction now...

Chutzpah!

This Chicken got a nasty shock yesterday. Our car was hit from behind by a gold coloured Toyata Camry WLV6805 at about 6.15PM on our way home.

We waved and asked the driver, a very smartly dressed 40-something complete with gold-rimmed glasses that's supposed to make him look oh-soh-professional, to stop.

But he just waved a "Pah! Nothing ma!" and sped off to the right! Not even a "sorry"!!!

Chutzpah!

Because the road came to a fork and we already went left to (try and find a good spot to) stop, we had no choice but to follow the trafic. We would've given the guy a chance had we not had the road dividers in between. Cis!

OK, Chicken was fasting. Boiling mad inside, but fasting.

So we decided, that's alright. Let's get through buka first. When we finally got a place to stop we checked for damage.

The bumper's all doinky and the plate number is ruined. Gonna cost us about RM4,000. How we know? Cause we've checked with our manufacturer la.

Takpe, takpe. Eat first. Be grateful first. Then on to Balai Polis Jalan Bandar to do our report.

Encik Polis: Nampak macam sikit je. Nak report juga?

Kitorang: Ya, sebab orang tu langgar lari Encik. (Dalam hati: Sikit pun bumper je RM3,900.00.)

Encik Polis: Isk ye ke! Baguslah report. Kita boleh kesan dia. Saman naik ni.

Kitorang: Terima kasih la Encik, tolong kitorang.

Encik Polis: Driver langgar lari ni memang tak hormat orang. Tak makan saman.

Kitorang: Memang Encik. Patutnya dapat je kesan kereta tu, terus rampas je kereta dia jangan bagi balik. Kalau rampas lesen je dia drive juga.

Encik Polis: Nanti saya sampaikan cadangan tu. Betul juga tu. Patut buat yang sama juga untuk driver-driver yang potong 'Q', yang ikut lorong emergency ke lorong teksi ke, mengekor ambulans ke. Baru la aman KL ni.

Kitorang: Kitorang sokong Encik.

Encik Polis: Nah sign sini, ambik copy report di Tingkat 1 Bilik 1.

Kitorang: Terima kasih Encik.

Chicken hungry la...

Ramadhan datang lagi...

This Chicken is not any thinner because, who gets thinner during fasting month anyway? Not if you keep going to those drive-you-crazy Bazar Ramadhan?

Food's not getting any cheaper there, but sellers are getting bolder. Some of them did not even bother to get their temp licence yet charge for their dish as if they're paying double for the site they're using as business premise. Isk isk isk.

If only This Chicken can rely on other sources for buka.

Not at this rate when there's lots of egg-ing to do and you can't fart out fast enough.

Somemore one Otai Farmer up there wants the eggs to be in multiple forms. Just simply healthy brown eggs alone no longer enough.

Must have a few other versions of it. With colour skew and so-called personalised hue. Basically this Otai Farmer wants the chickens to go out to one egg-ing session, virtually fart a lil dotted egg from the site, then come back and fart one standard-sized brown version, and lastly vomit another mucky version of the same thing.

Plus when you want to send the lil dotted egg, you'll be needing some sort of farming equipment to do it. So who's gonna give us Chickens one? The Otai Farmer said each Chicken will get one, but have to co-pay for it, got easy-scheme what not.

Yeah right. So much work, so little time, add in hutang into the picture as well!

This Chicken got only one ass to do all the farting. Want me to grow another virtual lil ass? Bayarla!

OK sabar, sabar, puasa maa...

Street pedicure

^ Miss Saigon in the making.

I've heard about the legendary beauty of Miss Saigon, and recently I had the chance to meet one in the making. No wonder la the ladies here are so pretty...

See beauty and personal grooming services are available along the streets in Saigon, and it is cheap too! One lady who was doing it said she charges only VND50,000 (=/-RM12) for both manicure and pedicure.

Crap in the Coop

Crap.*

There are just way too many wacko things going on in the coop. The Chickens in this Coop can only fart eggs, and wish only to fart out good eggs, but the quacks are making it extremely difficult to concentrate on delivering eggs and giving us Chickens more topics to poo about.

First, the Farmer.
Infamously lame, not quite warming up to the concept of Chickens being in the Coop because they could fart fresh eggs, instead loves leaving Chickens in big rooms of improvement. The head-honcho of the Coop who kowtows to the Little Napoleanina and the Concubine.

Second, the Little Napoleanina.
Tries to look and act cool but comes out looking power-trippy all the way. Loves to laugh at the idea of producing fresh eggs especially if the Farmer was the one making the lame-o jokes about it. The one who actually rules the Coop and calls the Pillar the best egg-farter in the world.

Third, the Donkey.
Nicknamed Donk, (Donk, not Don ala Don Coyote ye) Donkey is the resident talk-cocker. The bum that forces other Chickens to do OT. Always gay-and-giddy-upping outside the Coop and annoying the hell out of all Chickens too on top of everything. Gah! Farmer also calls Donk "Precious".

Fourth, the Concubine.
The crap* this post is all about. Adored and cherished by the Farmer and Little Napoleanina, this wacko David-Blaines changes on eggs on whim, as if no else (not even Chickens who actually the farted the eggs) know anything about eggs. Concubine also comes to the Coop and goes around town wearing a big-ass nametag that says, "TSK! I'M THE COOP'S CHIEF." Perasan betul...

Fifth, the Pillar
The egg-farter who once impressed the socks of Farmer and Little Napoleanina. The Coop's resident Gossip Girl, Pillar is also an expert when it comes to power-fanning the butts of the Farmer and Little Napoleanina.

Us, the Chickens
We eat, we drink, we meet them Darksiders^. We fart eggs. We gossip about the Farmer, Little Napoleanina, Donkey, Concubine and Pillar. Can't help it cause we're all in this charming lil' Coop. Thee hee hee.

^ Who's the Darksiders?
Maybe I'll tell you guys about them in another post.

Kasi sambelih itu projek!

^ Today's NST article, "PKR leader aims to review mega projects" featured Anwar Ibrahim's comment on mega projects, to which he said, "The RM15.2 billion high-speed broadband project would be cancelled as it was unnecessary."

"Unnecessary."

Wow, it's like he's taking cue from this one guy we knew who recently said, "Technology supplements should not be published anymore because technology is dead."

Gosh, it's like telling the world, we don't need TV. Cause soon broadband's gonna be the new TV. Take TV for its information dissemination, education and entertainment values, and add globalisation, communication, interactivity, cross culture, knowledge exchange and so on and so on...

Hmm, is this all a big conspiracy to revert the people back into dark ages?

Chickens speak Farmer, Farmers no speak Chicken

This Chicken got a bit soft yesterday - participated in a little bit of lameness with the Farmer. Ya, it was one of those rare moments when Chickens indulge in speaking Farmerish.

In fact This Chicken was so fluent in Farmerish that we even shared a little chuckle together.

In retrospect, it was kinda nauseating.

But those rare days do come.

And those rare moments do take place. Just that when it happens, it happens in a flash, unplanned, almost always regretted by This Chicken the second later.

But will Farmer even speak Chicklish? I don't think so!

Chicken vs Little Napoleanina

Before this post gets any further, let me just tell you what the outcome was:

This Chicken lost.

This Chicken lost to the Little Napoleanina, the nincompoop who came up with the idea of producing one helluv-an egg, yet could not figure out what colour the egg should be.

"White la!"

So you may say. Simple what.

Alo brader, eggs can come in many colours you know. White, off-white, pale white, brown, off-brown, pale brown, get the drift?

And This Chicken happens to be a fan of Easter eggs. You know, really colourful stuff? Quite hard to find but once you do it is worth telling people that you're the one who found it. If not pretty, you might as well don't have it.

Back to Little Napoleanina, who thinks all little napoleaninas are farmers by default. So Little Napoleanina found a great excuse of an egg, could not figure out what colour it should be, and then tells This Chicken to find lah a good one.

Suka-suka mak abah dia. Whoever wants an egg should freakin' fart one out la! Ape kes nak suruh gua pulak? Protest, protest.

But in the end, This Chicken ended up farting an egg out anyway. The colour? Blue. Of the gloomiest shade.

So what did This Chicken lost?

Her temper.

And whatever little amount of respect she had for Little Napoleanina 10 minutes ago.

UiTM oh UiTM

I am, well partly anyways, a UiTM product, tis one of the best training and learning ground I've ever attended.

During my time there, I like UiTM because of its:
1] Unconditional love for practicality.
For example, the lecturers always share updated skills, best practices and lessons learnt - the rest, don't bother (OK la, once in a while they remind us what poopbooboo you musn't do), not gonna be in asked exams anyway. We get more group tasks rather than individual basis. Most of the time, we have to do groupwork. Meaning divide and conquer. Meaning if you get lousy teammates, you can report to the lecturer everytime they screw team meetings then ditch their names out of the paper before you submit it. Totally acceptable.

2] Emphasis on let's-get-real, real-world experience.
Internship is a must. No internship, no diploma/degree. Of course with internship you get to learn the fact that some of your lousy teammates will likely end up getting a job as well as they too get to claim that they've done the real world thing, and they might just grow to become the assholes that grace the workplace outside. The good news is, you get to see their asses gets kicked by the officers/staff at the place where they do internship. Super cool!

3] Hardsell on long-term thinking.
Like you submit your theses in softcopy, print only the final/approved copy, save a tree, save the environment, save the world (sorry no cheerleader involved). Plus when you have lousy teammates you won't have to worry about having to minimise on printing paper as they produce nothing worth printing anyway, and they end up not ace-ing, and further down the road there is no need to waste paper for printing their scrolls which they are to embarrased to show anyone anyway.

4] Job opportunities available on campus.
The programming students get to commercialise their codes, the music students get to perform tunes like the Mission Impossible theme song during convocations, the photography students get to take photos of the graduating students and sell it back to them on the cheap (well it was very affordable during my time la no need to go to studios)... Oh ya, you can also become "part-time" security guards. The guys can just walk back to dorm 15 minutes after curfew while the gals can simply wear short-sleeve tees. Guaranteed to garner you a two-hour lecture by the (mostly) Little Napoleans who actually just want some company while they keep an eye on the grounds from their comfy little guard house.

Now who wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to be in UiTM? Syok oo..

"Welcome to the 30s"

So said Alfonso.

Yup. 30. That's me. This Chicken.

This Chicken who once said "Who gives a crap about the Coop."

This Chicken who once said, "Thank God for I've thrown away all the Garbage."

This Chicken who once said, "Goin hermitty!"

This Chicken who lives in Pastensu, all happy and nice here, and no longer wonder why she's here.

If you are not happy where you are, come on over to Pastensu. I've been here since a few years ago and boy oh boy, am I glad I'm here.

p/s: BTW in Pastensu sometimes you get a bit too happy you tend to forget about going to the dentist. So I got a bit of a toothache here, but otherwise, I am doing OK. In fact, OK enough to go for a month long leave.

The Society of Cool Chicks

We, members of The Society of Cool Chicks, have recently secured a farming domain, where we aim to fart eggs out as we please (which goes like this: pruutttt!).

We, members of The Society of Cool Chicks, would like to have fun and be as creative as we can with our unsold eggs in the farming domain, cause after all, the farming domain a place where we can be ourselves (i.e simply farting chickens).

We, members of The Society of Cool Chicks, would like to share our nice lil' eggs with people who will appreciate our eggs and farting efforts (i.e farting the way we like to fart).

We, members of The Society of Cool Chicks, do not welcome Farmers into our farming domain - because the domain is ours, and it is only for Cool Chicks, not Farmers (different breed, get it?).

(Especially Farmers who thinks as residents of the Coop, them Chickens must invite Farmers - who have their own agenda for the Coop and never share their plan with us Chickens - because... erm, what was it again? Oh ya, simply because! Damn! The Farmers didn't even give This Chicken a good reason why they should be invited.)

This Chicken, on behalf of The Society of Cool Chicks, has spoken.

Dancing cheek to cheek..

^ Me and Turtie Abraham sharing a wet kiss!

Or perhaps I should've call my sea-friend Lucky (pronounced Look-kie, ask any Indonesian, they'll tell you if anyone's named Lucky, it's not La-kie, it's Look-kie) Arioso Saptoyono...

Health is wealth

As cliche as this may sound, I recently got the chance to learn the real value of health. I got sick, sick as I never was before, damn viral fever plus allergic reaction to some sort of antibiotics - we're talking popping 5 types of pills after every meal three times a day kinda sick. Plus that lousy jab in the butt for the allergy - gives pain in the butt a whole new meaning.

On top of that food just doesn't taste good. Everything tastes bitter, and chewing is a labour. Drinking just makes you have to go pee three times per every glass. If you are a food lover like I am, I'm sure you can relate - envision the loveliest plate of sashimi and teriyaki fried unagi accompanied by green tea-flavoured sorbet, a tall glass or rootbeer float and a delectable selection of tropical fruits - and you can eat none of those. If that is not tragedy, then what is?

I know what's a worse tragedy: All of the above for a whole week.

Before this the sick-est I've ever gotten involved one lousy Panadol and everything gets back to normal after a few hours. Never hospitalised like the rest of my siblings, and I have been thankful for that. So imagine the horror of having to down drugs of all colour, shape and sizes.

Today I had the loveliest plate of nasi lemak and toast with kopi kow at the regular breakfast joint, and I was thinking, to hell with losing weight. I'll just enjoy rediscovering food while I'm healthy. Guess I haven't been grateful enough for having 29 years of good health - but now I know that that is no easy feat without God's will.

Work is rarely holiday

Some people get to go to really nice places due to work, but if anyone asks them "So was city X nice?" or "While you were in X, did you go to V and W?" and it's kinda sucks to reply "Didn't!".

Take This Chicken for example. This Chicken went to B to check out some cool egg materials which she did get a lumpful but upon fartin' them out the eggs were placed in one basket then dropped, leaving only a couple of farted eggs still in one piece. Imagine singing Purnama Merindu in front of a live audience but the mic went blargh and only the first couple of verse and the end tail were heard.

In any case while This Chicken was in B, the only time for getaway is weeeeeee early in the morning cause B gets sunrise early. Then it was all about eggsy work stuff. But above's a shot This Chicken feels pretty good about.

The Chicken the demam lah

No wonder I feel feverish! I have not blogged since end of April!

This Chicken has now moved to another computing system, which is faster, and it is on XP. Haha big deal, but it is a wonderful improvement over Windows 2000 ok.

Went to this event and found out that I'm a so-called Digital Immigrant. Digital Immigrant. Just cause I'm turning 30 this year. Say, when I was told that Digital Immigrants are people of the age 30 and above, I was 29. Still am, in fact.

So does that make me a Digital Immigrant, or a Digital Native? (Digital Natives are people who were born in the tech era, no-manual, every gadget gotta serve me and keep me occupied within 5 mins or I'm bored and your technology is not good.)

This Chicken actually could not care less. OK I do care, but it's only cause I hate being labeled Digital Immigrant/Digital Native. This Chicken hates being labeled period.

In any case This Chicken is thinking about concentrating on what matters - getting some old stuff out of the old PC and nicely organised into new PC. Ambitious!

That film that everyone still talk about

^ Moi phoot in Langkawi again. For years I don't get to visit the island, and suddenly this year - twice.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

Or something like that, and I finally got the chance to watch it. Perhaps I missed the first 15 to 20 minutes (busy gossipping with a coupla Chickens, about ex-Chickens and Dogs and Mosquitoes), but I certainly enjoyed the rest of it, even with Jim Carrey being in the centre of it.

20 minutes to 3AM. Egg not yet farted out. Info overload lah. And tired. Ate too much. Drank too little coffee.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. Can someone please fart me some eggs?

Chicken on BBB

This Chicken is wasting fart to produce too many eggs. Not that many eggs is a bad thing, but many unsold eggs surely is a bad thing.

Firstly, many unsold eggs means cost on warehousing. Ya lor, where to put so many eggs one? Can break you know. Some more, can go missing.

Secondly, many unsold eggs means a lot of people calling asking, "Dude, where's your egg with our name on it?" How to answer you tell me?

Thirdly, many unsold eggs simply means a lot of farting and no money. Malay people usually sum such situation as, "Mengabihkan boreh!" (Wasting rice only!) So tired from farting eggs, all for nothing, get my drift?

Too bad that Farmer only sells eggs farted out by beloved chickens only. Ones of blue blood, good breed, capable of cackling l*** jokes..

So who am I to question the way things are in the coop? This Chicken might as well go on the BBB mode.

BBB la bang, not BBQ. Though BBQ chicken doesn't sound half bad!

Noooo, BBB does not stand for brilliant breed bird... sorry, the BBB mode is one term that has nothing to do with aspiration nor motivation. It has more to do with the opposite of those.

This Chicken will give you three guesses.

What? Beautiful bountiful bird?
No. Just so you know, no bird was used in making up the term.

Blatantly bitchy biter?
No lah. I wish. But I know where you're coming from, it's cause I said opposite, and no bird used right? Last guess?

Boleh blahlah bengong!
Uiyo! Now that's a cool guess. This Chicken wishes for such grand courage to say that out loud to the deserved crowd. But we're not called Chicken for nothing you know.

People say it is better to get wild, get angry, get whiny, get mad when things don't happen your way. Like This Chicken farting as best as possible and yet none of the eggs produced were appreciated, should I be doing one of the above?

But This Chicken has decided to just buat-buat bodoh, (voila! BBB!) now isn't that just sad?

Chicken's stock, Chicken stock

This Chic Chicken always claim she vill rot in the coop.

Why shouldn't I? After all non-Chickens are being sent to lay eggs by Farmer Wannabe, like the coop can't survive without them, like they don't have anything better to do.

But maybe it is because This Chicken has been so malas to do her job lately. Hey laying eggs is more than just a farting business you know, takes effort, takes concentration.. Must be in zen to do it!

It's not that I've been so malas. I do do lay eggs. Sometimes up to three a day! If that's not productivity I don't know what is! It's just that I maaaalas nak send the eggs into the basket.

The Farmer should come and pick it up! Isn't that part of the job scope for farmers who could not get his chickens to behave? So meantime the eggs might as well be in moi safekeeping, things do go missing around here after all. It's plain warehousing. It's Chicken's stock!

And in the meantime This Chicken will stock up on eggs so that each time Farmer makes his round, I'll throw one down just to "pop shuvit", "grand slam-it".

Maybe I won't rot. I'll just be well-cooked, boiled over and over again, turn mushy then grainy then gravy and in the end, becomes chicken stock. You know cooks tend to freeze chicken stock in ice cube trays and use a couple of cubes everytime they cook, useful eh?

OK this is just me trying to look busy in the coop. I'm on a mental day off. Yosh!

Sleepy Chicken..

Chicken is sleepy. Chicken got so many things to do in the coop. Chicken got too many eggs to lay. Chicken tired. Chicken planning mutiny. Oh, Chicken is too tired even for something as sneaky as mutiny.

Another chicken will soon fly away from the coop. That chicken can't take it anymore. That chicken can take some more money though. So soon, one more chicken will be gone. (By that time another Chicken-themed entry will be posted by This Chicken, titled Chicken down or Chicken downsized or Less Chicken. Maybe Chicken A.W.O.L.L (absent without love loss) sounds good too.

In any case, this sleepy, tired, overworked Chicken is going to Langkawi again and Bali soon after. Yep, This Chicken is willing to take up all the nasty egg-laying business as long as she gets away from the coop and get to missout on all the horrendous pep-up-lay-us-more-eggs meetings.

At this point of time, laying eggs away from the coop is the best way out. God help This Chicken so she will hear no more of "There's not much of a workload now that we're shipping egg carts once a week ye Cik Chicken ye.." and "Can ya? Can ya? Can ya?" comments from the Farmer.

Oh sure This Chicken have seven eggs not laid with deadlines passed last Monday. Who cares? Certainly not This Chicken who only wants to leave herself a bigger room for improvement!

Hallo again Armand Maulana, yes aku masih bujang

^ There he was, the Encik Armand giving me his best!

Gigi was back in town last March 15, 2008 to entertain the Sunburst crowd and I got four free tickets from a lovely angel called Lyn. I would've bought the tickets on my own but I was assigned to go to Langkawi and did not know if I would be back in time for the massive gig. Lucky me, I got my butt back in town in the nick of time.

There I was, together in the hot sun with Band Superfriends, Tun Sri Ling and the rest of the good times mates. And there he was, Encik Armand Maulana yang uber super cool, and he looked right at me (OK it might've been my sis he looked at but we're sharing credits since only he and God knows who he was lookin' at really) during the o-oo-o-oo-wo chorus and he asked, "Masih bujang ya?"

And sorry lah Incubus, John Legend and Incognito - buka baju or not you guys were really cool yet we found ourselves rockin' harder to Search and Gigi and Hujan and whaddahel, Pop Shuvit and Disco Mafia.. But do come back Mr Legend, and take me on the stage next time around.

Chicken freaken'? Freaken' Chicken?

"This Chicken is under a lot of stress, ya."

So said my favourite GP, Doctor K. Ok, he didn't use the word "This Chicken" exactly. He used my name. Why am I explaining this?

In any case, he told me to take some time off. With the ongoing situation in the Coop, who wouldn't want to?

So This Chicken tried to lay off laying eggs, and it was grudgingly accepted. Later This Chicken heard that Farmer isn't too happy about it. Gosh, if you don't like it, then say so.

Small matter right? But it got This Chicken damn annoyed. In fact, many little things annoy me nowadays.

Just last week This Chicken was annoyed over an expensive cup of mocha that need not be bought. Then This Chicken got further annoyed over a comment on how nice it must be to have that cup of mocha in the morning. Immediately after This Chicken was annoyed at herself for getting riled up over that nice mocha comment. To top it all, the mocha gave me gas.

Stupid, tepid mocha.

Just this morning This Chicken got annoyed by a phonecall. Some woman with a fake accent was on the other line, barking up over having passed too many times. So still my fault la? Do I sound like a f**king receptionist? Refused to listen to my suggestion. Refused to let me give a direct line to the right person. Ikut suka kau lah Labu!

Whacked, wanker woman.

OK, maybe I do sound like a f**king receptionist. Man, This Chicken really need a break.

My foot in...

Haha that's my foot on foreign soil, all gaily and happy - but that was before I knew what I was getting into. The Outback wasn't kind to me, a reluctant traveler who never liked cool weather nor cold wind, a had-to-come visitor with no money in her pocket, a just-a-girl who hates putting too much moisturiser.

But it was a very very scenic city, buzzing with action, so many things to see, so little time and most unfortunately, so little moolah!

This Chicken enjoyed it nevertheless, even managed to send a lil egg of a story to the Farmer in between. Just wished I had to go see my mate there, Fari and Helen, my apologies..

Time for voters to claim their candidate's promises

Among others...

"No oil price hike..." (and some even said "price will be lowered..")

"Minimum pay at RM1,500.."

"RM6,000 bonus for households earning less than RM6,000 a year.."

"Lower crime rate.." (A winning rookie's manifesto)

And someone even said "PTPTN loans will be abolished.."

Hee hee hee... As Ibrahim Pendek once said, "Mari kita tengok siapa yang kena!"

Chicken Little tired

This Chicken is very tired - was away for an assignment, sent to a coop with no (expensive) Internet connection and stupid cold weather, weather so cold no other tropical-lover chicken should endure.

Came back with empty pockets, flaky skin, hungry for petai stomach and one story sent to the Farmer. The only cool thing brought back was images of topless muchachas and g-string clad hunks on Bondi Beach.

Came back to a homeland where the "Parlimen sudah dibubarkan", a new RM50 bill launched and circulating and gasp! another Chicken flying away from the coop! Guess which event was more dramatic for This Chicken?

A loss of a chicken in the coop means no more deskmate to gossip with, more eggs to lay and alone facing the stupid, so-called bigger room for improvement! !#$%^&*!

This Chicken knows it's the bigger room for improvement that will eventually make her snap. But it is only for the best when Chickens fly off this coop.

Will it be This Chicken's turn to spread her wings and fly? Between Mariah Carey's Butterfly and R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly This Chicken is not thinking much about flying just yet, cause This Chicken is a little tired, a little sick, and a little sick and tired of it all.

This Chicken is going to lunch early.

A quarter of a dozen chickies out of the hen coop

Yep. Tis happenning, ladies and gentlemen. Names given in secret. Heads rolled. Tears, what tears? Chickens don't cry!

Three chickies got to say goodbye to the old coop. The Farmer had nominated them out but the chickies only found out when they met up with Big Big Farmer and checked:

"Sir, is my head on the chopping board?" and Big Big Farmer took a peek at the list earlier given to him and said, "Yes my dear chickychacha, you're going to the slaughter house."

"Which slaughter house will I end up in?" asked the Chickies again, undaunted by the weird term of endearment nor the vague future; as darkness is after all already engulfing the current coop they're in.

"Oh, don't think as if you're being victimised here. Take this as a new challenge. Erm.. (covers mouth as his nervousness strikes) you're going to slaughter house X."

The Big Big Farmer will soon realise that as he tells the booted out Chickychachas where their new frontier lies, he is actually being reduced to doing the Farmer's dirty work.

Yes, the Farmer is a scaredy cat who can't do the dirty work he's been assigned to do. Funny eh, we're the Chickens here with our yellow bulus but Farmer's the one chickening out and being yellow at heart.. Wakakaka!

The rest of the Chickies in the coop is not too happy about having induced to stay just cause they know how to lay eggs and write blogs at the same time. This Chicken, at least, want out cause the slaughter house means death in this coop and rebirth in a new coop.

Oh no, nirvana for This Chicken yet. (And no receptionist job in hand either, so have to stay put till then.)

Yet This Chicken wonders if pushing it for a go at the slaughter house would be a better idea than keeping quiet and staying?

As staying means having to work in a room that is always left for bigger improvements to happen.

Staying means having to lay eggs on a path that is left for the Farmer and Big Big Farmer to destroy at whim (apparently the next whim will happen after the next election).

And staying means eating fart on the ground even when you fart 'em out a dozen of Grade A, kolesterol rendah eggs every week.

Sigh.

This Chicken - you may call me Duck, names doesn't matter anymore - is going shopping at 3.30PM.

Chicken to "recce" the "snafu"

Two words came to my attention recently:

The first word is "recce".

According to Dictionary.com the word "recce", which is a noun which us Malays like to pronounce as "reiki", is a slang of the word "reconnaissance". A couple of online dictionary describes "reconnaissance" as " search made for useful military information in the field, esp. by examining the ground. "

(Sheesh, say la "recce" means "looksie-looksie"!)

The second word is "snafu".

"Snafu" is easier to understand, and I like Dictionary.com's input: "badly confused or ridiculously muddled situation".

(Though I always tell whoever asks me, "What is snafu?", I always tell em, "Snafu is a guest character in Thundercats, he' s Snarf's cousin. Yeah yeah, Snafu appears in a couple of episodes, just like Mumra's pet, Mamat.")

Now back to snafu, ain't that the everyday picture of our lives? My life at least, if we're talking about career anyways, is in a snafu.

Wait, did I hear someone asking, "What's a chicken like you doing in snafu?"

Well, I'm no longer the chicken trapped in a farm in a snafu. I'm more like a chicken on a "recce" mission in the farm, which is in a snafu. The recce will also be conducted outside the snafu.

It has come to that, ladies and gentlemen. This chicken is past the phase of denial. The snafuness of the farm area has made this chicken drowsy in a snafu of emotions.

And yesterday when an ex-farmer called to check if the chicken wants to jump coop, this chicken kinda feel like it is not the time yet, there's still a few more fun stuff to be discovered through this recce business.

This chicken, let me tell you ladies and gentleman, is warming up to the recce mission. Though it is quite understandable if the snafuness of the farm begets more snafu, this chicken is up for IT!

Blow a kiss this way and wish this chicken a bit of luck!

p/s: SOALAN ESEI SPM: Kepada seorang anak Melayu, adalah lebih mudah untuk menghasilkan penulisan yang baik di dalam bahasa ibunda berbanding dengan bahasa asing. Bincangkan.

Chickies in the slaughter home

If you guys have you guys seen Babe, (in Malaysia the film's aka Seekor Khinzir Gagah Yang Bernama Babe) betcha all remember that scene in which the Farmer's wife decides between Lemon Duck or Roast Pig for Christmas. Some other thing ended up as Xmas dinner, Funny Duck came out from hiding and Babe sang Jingle Bells.

(Jingle Bells, as sang by Babe goes something like this; "Llal llal laa, Llal llal laa, Llalh llal llalh lal-lhaa!" And the farmer's wife tickles his his round stomach, kucheekucheekoo.)

There's also that scene in that stop-motion flick, Chicken Farm or something, in which the chickens who no longer produces eggs gets to visit a dark, menacing looking house and never to be seen again.

Us chickens are on the chopping board today. Anyone might get to be deployed to another farm, which may not suit us, nor suit our skills. Not all chicken farms need chickens that lay eggs. Some just want your meat and bulu (um yes King of the Court Lee Chong Wei will find some use for it), and eventually they'll send your dead body into cold storage.

Yippidee yay.

(Currently whistling Whistle While You Work)

Thanking two front office personnels of Mandarin Oriental KL

I'd like to thank two wonderful personnel of Mandarin Oriental Kuala Lumpur who were on duty at the front desk yesterday at 2.20PM for giving me a couple of pens to write.

See a patron of the hotel borrowed my good pen and in the midst of a phone call, he absent-mindedly left the lobby without returning it to me. I was busy making a call myself, so I didn't notice he left town.

About to be in an interview in 5 minutes, I quickly asked the staff at the front desk if they have a pen or pencil they could spare. The two personnels handed me the one they were using and saved me from great embarassment.

They also took the time to explain to me that the pens were made with recycled paper. Cool eh?

"The technology bubble has burst"

So says someone who claims he knows all about blogging and what nots of the IT world.

Tis the Big Big Farmer of course, who earlier claimed he could lay eggs just as good as us Chickens do. He hasn't done any of the sort so far.

I feel like singing the song that scared Frampton Nuttel so much, the one that goes something like "Bertie, Bertie, when are you coming home?" and I don't even know why it is that song that came to mind. Maybe cause I'm thinking all text-like and sounds has a habit of falling on deaf ears right now.

Aiyo what's the use of getting all worked out over Big Big Farmers doings. It's not as if us Chickens gonna lay more eggs if we sing more songs.

Plus it's not like us Chickens been that productive all these while cause Big Farmer just wanted numbers, even quality doesn't matter cause Big Farmer likes to leave a big room for improvement. Today three eggs, tomorrow four, but who cares cause Big Farmer thinks 100 eggs per minute (epm) is the standard that us Chickens should produce.

So us Chickens better just keep on laying eggs at 3 epm - just change the look a bit to technocolour (magazine, glossy, big graphics)- and wait till the Big Big Farmer chokes on an artichoke and die and a new Big Big Farmer comes along and say we shouldn't have change our names to "Duck" and polkadot is the way to go.

Stupidity sets the tone for 2008

Things are back in the sewers as far as the farm goes.

Chickens will be slaughtered, eggs-eater will choke with foul stuff coming out of the eggs, and Chickens will even be renamed to something stupid like "Duck".

Big Big Farmers are suggesting that us Chickens should produce eggs that everyone can eat, not just those who loves eating eggs since they were born. Imagine a fishmonger asking the fisherman to bring back only ikan bilis from the sea as the ikan terubuk would be too bone-y to swallow.

Big Big Farmers are saying that us Chickens should not blame the grocers for not selling eggs when eggs don't fly off the shelves, because if the eggs got good things inside, then buyers would be coming to the farm to buy them. Imagine Nokia telling its engineers and designers not to blame Low Yat and Sungai Wang vendors when E65 does not sell well, cause had the engineers and designers named the phone "Funky Little Princess" instead of E65, the phone would've sold itself.

Big Big Farmers are suggesting us Chickens do not know what eggs we're laying, and they're trying to outsource eggs supply from their friends, The Big Bad Wolf. Imagine an editor accusing Judith McNaught of not reading the stories she wrote, while the real intention is to have the editor's friend make money as a ghost writer.

Big Big Farmers are challenging us Chickens, saying "Don't think we don't know how to lay eggs, cause we know all about it even the low-cholesterol LTK stuff!". Truthfully, us Chickens don't care if Big Big Farmers do know how to lay their own eggs, frankly we'd love to see them try.

Awal Muharram detik permulaan..

Yeah, I'm officially set to start the new year with a resolution that I had to bring forward from last year.

This year, I'm going to note down each sen of my expenses so that I'll know exactly where my money is wasted. That said, I'm not exactly owning up to a reputation of a spendthrift - that's just it, my money runs out every month but I can't seem to remember what I had spent on.

So dengan lagu Maal Hijrah yang berkumandang di telinge, I here by declare tomorrow will be starting day of me writing into a triple 5 notebook of all my spending.

I'm gona be analysing everything come month end, and I'll try to do better the next month. By year end, I hope to save enough money to buy one of Tata Motors' People Car. Not that I want to start driving again though. It's just a good car to have around, just in case I need to drive.

.. Or maybe I'll wait till they come up with a car you can carry in your bagpack - inflatable bubble car?