Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Holiday! Celebrate!

I'm going for a long leave this year end. Finally finished all the eggs that needed farting and all. And the system at the coop finally let me log on and key in my leave request.

So let's sing and be happy! I'll see you guys at the next Chicken Soup Convention!

Friday, July 31, 2009

I had to hold my pee

At last, I managed to get to a loo and pee. It took me 2 hours to get to work this morning. A warning bell triggered in my head when DJs started their traffic report by saying folks trying to get into KL should expect massive traffic jam on all roads leading into town today and tomorrow. But still, we were already on the road by then so all we could do was become collateral damage with the rest of the morning commuters.

Why? Well from where we came, cops were having a road block thingy in Cheras. Out of the four lanes (five for people who considers the emergency lane is actually a lane they are allowed to use even though they're not having an emergency) the cops only opened one. One freakin lane.

Why? Apparently some idiots are organising a demonstration in KL tomorrow, and things might get ugly.

Why? Those idiots like getting dirty on other people's expense, on the pretext of shoving justice up the system's ass, and they think they can get things done like that.

Really? Why? Yeah really. Because they're idiots.

Idiots who obviously don't care that some folks around here just want to get to work, get paid, and live a normal life. They don't care that some folks just want to send their kids to school and get them educated. They don't care, obviously, that they're causing other folks problems, just cause they think that their cause is a just cause.

Those idiots did not see what I saw this morning.

I saw in one car a couple was fighting - it looks as if the passenger got angry when the driver kept letting other cars jump the queue.

I saw two kids in school uniform crying, most likely cause they're running late to school.

I saw about four cars scratching each other as each of them try to align their vehicles into one lane, and one can't even tell who's got the right of way.

I saw two cars, on separate occasions, spluttered to a stop as their engines started to choke then die.

I saw a guy falling asleep behind the wheel!

And most importantly, I saw my bladder trembling as it fought the urge to release! Hell yeah, those idiots didn't see me hold my pee. Bastards.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Lessons learnt from holiday trip

As a responsible citizen of the Internet I felt obliged to share some knowledge gained from my recent holiday trip.

1. For destinations you can reach with Air Asia, go with Air Asia. MAS is shitty. Comparatively the former's seats are more comfortable, the stewardesses are more friendly and look at having to buy food off the catalogue as having more choices. Instead, the latter's plane is small and smelly, stewardesses prefer to address Mat Sallehs first locals second (and with an attitude that is not at all appealing as well), and with that kind of preference you end up eating the leftovers (whatever the Mat Sallehs didn't choose, that will be your meal). So for the price you pay, MAS is totally not worth it. Just as how Singapore Airlines is so not worth it compared to the more affordable Silk Air.

2. You can survive peak season holiday just by enjoying it, instead of cramming it.
Going for a holiday to a place that is experiencing its peak season (like school holidays peak season, not World Cup peak season) without booking ground arrangements is doable. You just have to allocate time and budget cut-offs as you choose your accomodation and check on the Internet the rates if you want to book for day-tours only after arrival. Do not aim too high (like trying to go to 6, 7 places in one day), rather, target the few must-go places that you really want to see and as for the rest, take it as bonus.

3. Be friends with locals, most of them are more helpful than you can imagine.
There are a lot of scammers and nasty people anywhere you go, but in most places, there are more good people around if you care to make time to make friends. Locals might not know which is the best hotel/motel/hostel to book, but they can tell you which parts of the place is most happenning, and perhaps most importantly, safe. They can also tell you where you can find good food at good rates, or how to avoid getting into trouble with the authorities.

4. Stop converting as you shop, specially when buying stuff you'll never find at home.
While most of us who travel on a budget tend to convert to local currency before buying souvenirs, that practice might make you bring back a whole bunch of foreign currency which you'd unlikely get to change back at a good rate. So why not set a rough figure on how much you'd want to spend (and not bring back) and only convert that much for souvenir shopping. If you find something you truly like, bargain like hell if it is overpriced. In cases you do not find anything worth lugging home, then save the currency on some other cool stuff like spa treatment or room service.

5. In places where transportation options are aplenty, do survey.
Many tourist spots tend to offer multiple transportation modes to get tourists from Sightseeing Spot A to Sightseeing Spot B. Spend your first day at the place surveying your options (as you go surveying for accomodation) so that you'll end up paying not only a cheaper rate but it might also get you there quicker. Plus, compared to car rental or private tours, when you jump into a group in a public transport, it is less likely that you'll be scammed (or sent to places where they scam you into buying) or get lost.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Still not over Alanis

My obsession with Alanis Morissette stuff was reignited some two weeks ago when my ex-car-pool mate Intan bought a new collection of the singer's work throughout her angst-happy-theatre-angst years.

Today I had a chance to take a two-hour trip for work and I listened to You Oughta Know like 15 times.

Yes. Back in 1996 I was hooked on that song, listened to it hundreds of times a day. Now more than 10 years later, I'm reliving it. Kinda made me feel young.

There's just so much to savour. So much to ponder. So much to take in and so much to appreciate. All from this one song.

It's not like I've ever been left heart-broken before. Nope, never had that chance of unrequited love, don't want to. But Alanis - and Glenn Ballard, Flea, David Navarro and Matt Laug - took me there and made me want to know what that kind of world can do to a person.

Ohh.. Flea was in his baddest ass in that song. In terms of musical expression and style, his work matched Alanis and Ballard's words and notes crochet to crochet, attack to attack.

No disrespect to Navarro nor Laug, but the bulk of the time I was relistening to that song, I was looking out for even the tiniest finger to string contact from Flea. Maybe I'm a bias when it comes to bass. I just love the sound.

(A bassist I know, Linda, once said, "Some bassists feels insecure because they think people think they're playing the easiest instrument. Kinda true when it comes to playing today's kind of song. And it was the easiest instrument I've ever picked up. So why not - yes, I'm insecure. But I never feel insecure whenever I managed to copy even a few bars of what Flea does." Hear hear Linda!)

Maybe I'm just too much of a Flea fan - tis cause of him that I bought RHCP albums without thinking. Though credits as high as they can get still goes to Kiedis (Anthony you're my man too!) as well.

Back to this song Alanis and Ballard wrote. The lyrics - oh the lyrics. It's femme anger on a different level - it felt like Alanis was championing her rights to be infuriated, unreasonable, bitter, sullen, enraged, exasperated. I could envision people coming to stand behind her and rooting for her cause.

And she's telling why shouldn't people be mad if they think they've been wronged? And how could anyone who's done such a thing to a person would even think of saying sorry or "Please don't be mad." cause when you reach the kind of anger Alanis is singing about, you don't really care what that person do or say anymore. You just want to be mad, really mad, at him and everything about him, now.

It's about the sheer contempt on a former lover in all sense thinkable. The way she antagonised both her relationship with him as well as his new one is both heart-wrenching yet elating, acidic yet you still want to swallow it. Hey that's me and my jagged lil pill.

As Alanis sings her thoughts on what her replacement is like, I felt that cold, sleek knife that she was digging into her own virtual self. That she knew she was only hurting herself yet it's not that she couldn't help it, rather, she wouldn't.

And sarcasm is at its best - I love it to bits that the song started with a well-wish and ended with a lace of a threat. She knew him too well to know he's hating the fact that she's making her grudge show. She knew it would make him cringe with guilt and she knows he knows that this was only a tip of her menacing baggage iceberg... and he is Titanic... I say "Crash! You sucker!"

Mr Duplicity - ooooooh, this has got to be one of my most favourite spots in the song. Name-calling! No one else can go down to that level yet still come out on top like this!

I remember being happy when the song was hailed as Grammy's Best Rock Song and Best Female Rock Vocal Performance. Too bad it lost to Seal's Kiss from a Rose for Song of the Year, but that Batman OST is another track to be reckoned with as well. But Beyonce covered You Oughta Know during her 2009 tour, not the Song of the Year so guess whose song left a bigger impact?

I'm keeping my toes warm for Alanis' next gut-ripping, eradicating-garbage-out-of-your-system song. Oh, I love her happy songs, Head Over Feet and all, but I just think Alanis knows angst so well.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Oooh... productive is This Chicken

This Chicken farted 5 and a half Eggs in total today. That's what happens when a chicken gets into the Coop a bit too early.

But no way in hell This Chicken will surrender the five Eggs happily at on go to the Farmer. Nope, This Chicken will blog about it first.

Tis only appropriate.

Seems like a good Monday. Can't wait til Tuesday. Hmm, must be that De-Lovely love song "Let's Do It" Alanis was singing this morning that goes,

But that's why birds do it,
Bees do it,
Even educated fleas do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

In Spain the best upper sets do it,
Lithuanians and Lets do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

The Dutch in old Amsterdam do it,
Not to mention the Finns,
Folks in Siam do it,
Think of Siamese twins.

Some Argentines without means do it,
People say in Boston even beans do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

Romantic sponges they say do it,
Oysters down in Oyster Bay do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

Cold Cape Cod clams 'gainst their wish do it,
Even lazy jellyfish do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

Electric eels, I might add, do it,
Though it shocks 'em I know,
Why ask if shads do it,
Waiter bring me shad roe.

In shallow shoals English soles do it,
Goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

The dragonflies in the reeds do it,
Sentimental centipedes do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

Mosquitoes, heaven forbid, do it,
So does every katydid do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

The most refined ladybugs do it,
When a gentleman calls,
Moths in your rugs do it,
What's the use of moth balls?

Locusts in trees do it,
Bees do it,
Even overeducated fleas do it,
Let's do it, let's fall in love.

Let's do it, let's fall in love,
Let's do it, let's fall in love

Chicken is chuckling to and at herself.

Ooh! Getting mental picture of the Farmer, the Donkey and Lil Napo doing it! Aiyak!

p/s: Thanks for text and pix.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Chicken goes chicken-feet

Going chicken-feet (barefoot) or going kaki-ayam is such a fiinnneee thing to do when you're close to nature. It's just so good to be reminded that no matter how big your toe is, it will look totally humongous when placed next to such a dainty lil thing. That's what I believe - nature has always been great at putting things in perspective.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Nice lil birdy post

^ Burungan: Eventhough MRR2 is jammed like roti kahwin, the birdies gave us something to smile about.

It's been a while since this blogger wrote about something feel-good something. So today I'm gonna write about birds.

Specifically those leggy birdies (flamingoes or bangau la kot too far lah to ascertain the species) you can find flying and hanging around MRR2 lamp posts lined up across the National Zoo area, more often after a rainy afternoon. Ooh, they give me such joy and envious feelin'.

The photo above I recorded using my foc Sony CyberShot DSC-W30 after a family road trip to one of the country's best kept secret, Hutan Simpan Lintang off the Karak Highway.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Chicken wrote a long letter

Dear Chickietu my man!

How are you la dude?

(OK I'm not really waiting for that answer coz I'm writing in to b**** as you're the only person who will know exactly what I mean.)

Lemme get on with what happened.

This morning the Farmer and Lil Napoleanina called for scrum and the Donkey still not in.

So This Chicken earnestly just called out, "Yo Farmer dear, shouldnt we wait for Donkey?"

Farmer sarcastically replied, "If we wait for Donkey then we'll have to wait till finishes pulling the That cart (read: Defending the Donkey Part 1. Please also note that pulling the cart, be it This cart or That cart, is Donkey's thing to do, but in any case Donkey rarely does).

So This Chicken went in for the scrum, and The Farmer and Lil Napo tried to saddle This Chicken with loads of egg-farting whatever and This Chicken said, "Sure I can get some eggs out but hey what's the Donkey doing? I see that he's pulling hardly one cart per two months. Why izzit balik2 This Chicken has to be farting the eggs?"

Farmer said, "Oh Donkey's doing cart pulling in the street so Donkey's got a lot to do, yes Donkey does," (read: Defending the Donkey Part 2).

This Chicken was like, "If Donkey's doing that, so was This Chicken last week and Lil Napo the week before. So what? All of us have to do it la. Plus we also do a bunch more things than farting brown eggs alone, there's blue eggs, green eggs and pewter eggs. Now pewter eggs, your angel Lil Napo right here (right in front of Farmer's right-chicken This Chicken said this) said before, 'Pewter eggs is not my thing' and now Farmer've asked chickens from outside to supply. So Farmer still spend moolsh. Why not just get Chickenwan to come back?

Lil Napo goes, "Hey I fart out pewter eggs ok... (Yeah right. Bila pewter egg demand is high and sexy of course Lil Napo wana fart pewter eggs. Unsexy pewter egg dont wana fart pulak.. Those boring pewter eggs even more so!)

Farmer goes, "Oh if This Coop do that then This Coop will have to be compared to other Coop chickens who produces three eggs per day (read: That's total bullshit coz no other Chicken in any other Coop does that!)

This Chicken retorted, but we fart eggs differently, Farmer needs to note that to whoever's getting on The Coop's case la. Like Donkey, on top of all this doing less than other Chickens are (by that This Chicken didn't include the Farmer, perhaps he didn't notice, but truth be said Farmer hardly farts anything out of his a***)

Farmer goes, "Eh I've been pressuring Donkey to do the pulling (read: Defending the Donkey Part 3 and My Holy Farmeric Management Way Part 1). This particular cart he is pulling now will be Second Main Thing for the Coop next week see."

So This Chicken just geleng kepala and shut up for the rest of the scrum.

30 mins after scrum finish, Donkey waltz in at 1230. This Chicken asked The Donkey, "Eh so quickly your cart pulling today finished?"

Donkey goes, "What cart pulling? That cart pulling? It's next week on 31 lah. Which by the way also clashes with the cart pulling 101 the Farmer've set me for."

This Chicken go like, "Well its supposed to be Second Main Thing for the Coop next week."

(Note: Donkey, as bonehead as Donkey goes, once in a while do clue in that Donkey does have a clue about how The Coop is supposed to run. Proof as per below:)

Donkey said, "For next week ah? How can sure can't make it cause That cart pulling will only be happenning on Coop's dead day. Can't make it for next week lah."

And This concluded the conversation with, "Damn what a load of bullshit. Got only three chickens to eye yet the Farmer still cant keep track."

(End of what happened and now back to you, my man Chickietu)

On top of all the shitty stuff that just happened, yesterday The Farmer keep pestering This Chicken as The Farmer thought This Chicken simply didn't appear in the Coop for the heck of it (when This Chicken was actually at a big-ass egg making material party).

This Chicken wonders if The Farmer does the same to the Donkey? Naaaaaaahhhhh - Chickeitu you know it and This Chicken know it!)

So Chickietu the real actual important point writing and sending you this letter is, do you know anyone who's hiring a chickiceptionist?

This Chicken is tired of farting eggs and would welcome any non-farting activities to do.

Ok Chickietu, you've been a blast!

Thank you for your kind attention, and have a great weekend :D

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

"Tuntutlah ilmu biarpun sampai ke negeri China"

Berita Harian today carried a report of local company, Hijjaz Trade Corporation Sdn Bhd sponsoring bright SPM student Nik Nur Madihah Nik Mohd Kamal and her mom and dad to perform Umrah.

So you see, boys and girls, if you're hardworking enough, studying will not only get to China, but other points on Earth as well. For Madihah's case her spot was even more precious.

Wishing Hijjaz more inspiring feat soon.

Wishing the family better future ahead.

Wishing Madihah a good next step towards higher education (go to Jordan girl! UK is so passe!)

Wishing all of you guys out there keep learning. (OK this wish is more for me rather than anyone else. Do you guys know anyone else who gets only sleep marks on her forehead everytime she picks up an Economy 101 text book? I thought so.)

Friday, March 13, 2009

Chicken waits

A waiting Chicken is not a pretty sight. Imagine wings all terkelepek at the sides. The bulu pelepah all ruffled. The balung so penyek like that.

But the Chicken must wait. Have to.

The slowdown is making the Chicken quite afraid to fly away from the Coop and leave a nasty hate letter to the Farmer and all of his kuncu-kuncu.

So the Chicken waits for the perfect opportunity to disappear. At the same time the Chicken is counting on magic tricks that might take place by the end of the month or after a few more weeks.

Cause the Chicken can no longer lay nice brown eggs. Stinky yellow ones yes, but not healthy, normal ones, no this Chicken can't.

The events that has been taking place within the Coop has made this Chicken's capability and will to lay nice brown eggs a near impossible feat.

Especially when the Donkey is donkeying around this Chicken's eggspace. (We all know Donkey gets horny when a stud is nearby. Sheesh!)

Plus Lil' Napoleanina's been cheating off this Chickens' hardwork. (Taking credit for some other less fortunate Chicken's eggs, now that's plain nasty. Haiya...)

And the Barbarians are being, well barbarically stupider than this Chicken can ever imagine. (But in retrospect this Chicken believes the Barbarians are being barbaric as that's the only way to chase out high-maintenance Chickens. Bacul!)

What else can be said about the Farmer that this Chicken hasn't? Cheis! Can't believe the Farmer's doing has robbed this Chicken off sanity, humour, creativity, will, skills and even a vocab chock-full of bad language!

And all that is left is !@#$$%^&! (See pressing SHIFT and the first few numbers on your keyboard is what's left of my I-curse-thee vocabulary).

So this Chicken waits.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

This Chicken is too sexy for its job

I'm too sexy for my job, too sexy for my job, my job's gonna leave me!
I'm a Chicken, you know what I do, and I'll do that lil' turn on the Farmwalk...

Yesterday was the day This Chicken finally received the much awaited enlightenment: That this Chicken needs to fly away from the Coop.

Seriously, just when about a minute before that This Chicken was still holding on to the much mentioned mantra "I'll rot here. I plan to rot here."

It just had to happen, I suppose. The days of feeling good about farting good brown eggs is about to come to an end, that's what This Chicken is feeling at the pit of its stomach.

And This Chicken's stomach aches. Pruuuut...!

Oops, farted out smelly air again instead of a nice brown egg. (Id est, I did not work at work today.)

But what's new? Truth is there has not been that many good brown eggs lately. All This Chicken been farting out are makeshift whatever-sempat eggs. Or kena-tipu-so-kena-fart-out eggs. Which are actually not real eggs. Meaning you can't eat the eggs.

Cause if you do eat them eggs, you'd be er.. stupid. Sorry about that. But it is the truth. Garbage in, garbage out, no? Yes.... So there's no need to re-eat the garbage ya?

This Chicken's gonna sing...

I'm too sexy for my job, too sexy for my job, my job's gonna leave me!
I'm a Chicken, you know what I do, and I'll do that lil' turn on the Farmwalk...

p/s: Id est or better known as i.e., means "that is" or "in other words". Cool eh?

Friday, February 06, 2009

Chicken delegated

This Chicken is tired, angry, freaked out, and damn irritated.

Tired from having the day-trip fly-out-of-the-Coop thing yesterday.

Angry from having read the list of eggs that needed to be farted out.

Freaked out from having realised that Lil Napoleanina, Stupid Farmer (oh yeah, didn't I tell you Farmer got promoted to Stupid Farmer for reasons I bet you can just guess?) and Donkey are going behind Chicken's back and plotting stuff that will contribute to my demise?

And finally, damn irritated. Because This Chicken knew this was coming. Can This Chicken cheat her own doomsday?

And oh, This Chicken HATE Lil Napoleanina and Stupid Farmer for being such a self-centered, agonizingly moronic fuckery beings who only deserve a flying kick on their asses for doing this.

Moral of the story: If you're gonna have to fly away from the Coop, don't do day-trips. I knew I should've taken sick leave today. Farts!

p/s: I am kinda proud that I came up with 'agonizingly moronic fuckery' for this post, which goes to show you only need a bit or air to fart. Oooh... I just smiled at my own wankery joke.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Been meaning to thank...

... TV2 for showing Dresden Files. Though this cool series has only one season and the cycle at TV2 has nearly reached its end, I thank the station for still choosing to air it.

... BB/BCB/CIMB branch in Brickfields opposite KL Sentral - I think it is the Wisma Koponas Jalan Tun Sambanthan branch - for being such a cool bank - literally! Though I am not an active BB account holder since ol' MARA days, I am still enjoying first class service from the staff at this branch. They are fast, efficient, helpful, and I have never caught any of them being anything but friendly and cordial while dealing with customers.

To more good stuff from TV2 and CIMB Wisma Koponas!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Relunctantly, I cheered through AJL 23

I got suckered into listening and watching Anugerah Juara Lagu 23 last night, thanks to a bunch of mates I was hangin out with. Surprisingly I was entertained when:

15... when the whole AJL 23 was nicely scripted and well handled by Cheryl, FBI and Sally Iskandar. I mean Ally Iskandar.

14... when the orchestra made Aizat's simple but melodious Lagu Kita all grand and posh. One vote for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.

13... when we all have not heard ever of this Aiman guy. But if there's a separate category for best lyrics, bets will be on Dusta Berkalang.

12... when Sofaz's pop-rocking song got "sabotaged" by the strings ensemble going slurry krocety nyetnyetnyet all over the chorus, and their best rockin' face turned all soft and bubblegummy. Sappy sounding strings like that in a pop-rock song like Sofaz's? Bukan Di Sini. One vote out for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.

11... when Estranged got innovative with white screens. Tapi macam pernah tengok je... Macam teater Mek Mulong...

10... when everyone's got a consipiracy theory on why Ayu managed to scrape through to the finals with Hanya Di Mercu. The strongest theory also linked Ramli M.S. being choice conductor and music director again and again when there are others who can do the job just as well, well aware that when it comes to orchestra, emphasis on string instruments is not compulsory on every damn song.

9... when Zahid's performance totally outdid Mawi's. He totally owned Doa Dalam Lagu, what more with Heliza's pitching and ad-libbing splattered all over the floor. Ouch.

8... when Stacy made Aku Stacy a legittimate contender. It deserved to be there just cause she delivers it so well despite having a tacky pair of gold leotard on hahaha!

7... when Faizal Tahir got a haircut while singing Sampai Syurga and ended up with a RM10,000 refund. Now when will I get a nice haircut like that and a refund just as much?

6... when Spider showed their maturity and wisdom by choosing to deliver Bila Nak Saksi all raw, sans Ramli M.S.'s string/piano crazy arrangement. Thank you, thank you, thank you Spider. Another vote out for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.

5... when Chinese New Year came early with Farahwahida's Persoalan Cinta and the song bagged an RM12,000 angpow. Tumpang lalu, Noraniza Idris.

4... when Elyana's mic got screwed and her split-second disappointed face nearly ruin her bersahaja performance - but she pulled through. Kalis Rindu aye, kalis screw nay.

3... when I won the bet. Ya, with songs like Cuba and Hanya Di Mercu, Meet Uncle Hussein's Lagu Untukmu will win as the song represents new generation, new idea and new sounds coming from within our music industry. Somebody still owe me RM30.

2... when songwriter Julfekar showed his happenning side singing along to Lagu Untukmu's winner encore and during chorus he looked ready to ponggo with Audi Mok.

And my most memorable AJL23 moment was...

1... when Azwan Ali happily hooted and cheered for Ziana Zain's top-of-my-lungs-or-this-is-not-Ziana-Zain-singin rendition of Dingin! (Considering he nearly dragged Ogy & Melodi to court with her naughty makan hati comment on Ziana's wedding years ago huhu!) Damn funny la wei! Now we know why Azwan is still in this business..