Chicken royally screwed

WHY OH WHY are things being disposed from my corner of the coop without my permission? WHO the fuck give these cleaners the right to simply judge which is rubbish and which ones are not?

This chicken is royally, magnificently, words-has-no-meaningly screwed today because some makcik cleaner decided that a bunch of papers on the floor - despite being nicely filed and tied up for future reference and nicely packed into plastic containers so that they wont disintegrate easily - are worth throwing away.

MOTHERFUCKER.

SERIOUS PIECE OF SHIT.

ULTIMATE IDIOT.

SUPER DUPER ASSHOLE.

FUCKKKKKKK!!!!

Song for Alvivi

Dear Alvivi,

I know a lot of people in Malaysia and Singapore really hate what you did recently. Some has even take it to hating you guys personally. A girl I know now hates your entire race, everyone in your family including "those distant cousin of yours living in Canada and Australia whom you guys tracked down on Geneology.com" - and she is the office's softie who always signals and checks before changing lanes in her beat up red Kancil!

Me, I guess I didn't like what you did. It made me wonder if you guys went through a bad life so much so it made you did what you did (not to mention the rest of the stuff you guys been doing so far, I mean, sex video is so 1990s, even if Kim K managed to revive the 'let-me-get-famous-via-a-leaked-sexvid' trend after Paris Hilton's quiet down, don't think it can work well again if recycled too many times and too close to the round before, I mean, it didn't work for bell-bottom pants the third time round, did it?).

What you did recently seems very crass, super juvenile and utterly uneducated. I wonder how many more times one can poke the Muslims in this country before some of them decide that enough is enough and retaliate? Prior to this someone already bitched about the call for prayers being too loud despite fully realising that Islam is the official religion of the nation, then another incite an issue regarding the use of the word to describe our Creator, now you guys had to do the Bak-Kut-Teh stunt?

Would you like it if we poke fun at your slanted eyes and preference to use wipes instead of water to clean your crap-laden ass? Or go even further by commenting it is a real waste of money to burn paper-money, paper-cars and paper-iPhones during Cheng Meng? I'm sure you will not like it, right? Cause that would be a personal attack on your physique, your way of life and your thousands of years of culture, no? Will it seem crass, juvenile and educated? Of course! Will it at least be funny? Even I don't think it is. Unless you do? But that would mean there's really something wrong with you.

I had a colleague who laughed condescendingly when he saw some of your old Facebook Page's status (the one where you guys bitch about the government and in the next still went to a government hospital to seek treatment after being robbed, he said if you can bitch about the government so bad yet still take its services, ain't these two the epitome of ungratefulness - I'm not sure where he's going with this but bottom line is this guy now pokes fun of you guys every morning on his GChat) but I can tell that he took joy beating you guys down to hurt your feelings because you guys had hurt his feelings first with the Ramadhan wish. (Gosh, guys are so feeeeeeelings nowadays!)

So, sincerely from me, a Muslim, a Malay, and your fellow Malaysian - in the spirit of Ramadhan that promotes patience, and thought of upcoming Syawal, the month of forgiveness: checkout this song from Marvin Gaye called What's Going On.

Tis a song for you to sing-a-long (please don't include it in any of your upcoming smooch/sex video cause it will ruin the song for me!), hopefully it will help you recover from this hard lesson that you both just learnt.

On Spotify also got. Eh you guys no got Spotify meh?

This Chicken cries "Fowl!"

God, I hate it when you're just farting eggs and people give you shit.

The part of the Coop where This Chicken is doing her regular Egg-Farthing business is being taken over by a bunch of Barbarians, and The Farmer ain't doing shit about it.

Kiss my a**, this is one of the things that annoy This Chicken the most. This Chicken saw some valuable eggs being transported by Barbaric Slaves, and they were not taken care of nicely. Scratches, cracks - now who's going to answer for that?

What's more, The Farmer is being nice, distracting This Chicken from the fact that the Egg-Farting place will no longer be accessible to This Chicken later, and using KFC's Korea Crunch, on top of that. Smooth, Farmer, real smooth.

I hate Monday!

So much hate in this world

At times I wonder why I bothered in the first place, after staying Luddite against the social networking sites, Pinterest managed to fish me in. And because I want to be on Pinterest, I had to start either Facebook or Twitter. So I decided on Twitter as it is a micro-blogging site, hoping that it will not take up too much of my time or attention.

Twitter didn't take up too much of my time, but it did garner my attention. There is just so much hate going on.

Friends whom I thought was doing alright is bashing their heads figuratively on every word they post. There's no harm in venting, but everyday, seriously? Why live with so much of that?

And their friends who are either a cynic or blindly political. Most of the these folks tweet about how they hate something, and come what may, their opinions don't change in fact they can even find faults in the opposing opinion.

Is there world void of people with reason? Is there no more folks out there who can be tolerant of each other, accept that not everyone is like you so do not expect everyone to sheep along?

Gosh.

I wish the world good things, kind words, and more importantly, I wish you love.

As close as it gets...

When I missed Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra's gig in Japan back in 2006 by just a few days and just a few thousand ringgit, I vowed that one day, the next time they get closer to home, I'm going to catch them brass boys in action.

But I guess lady luck isn't smiling my way just yet. Back then, I could not afford to stay longer in Japan eventhough my flight was already paid for. A rookie journalist back in 2006 didn't earn as much as a cabuk journalist with 10 years of experience today. Not that I'm paid that much more now, but at least I can afford to pay RM2,000 just to take the trip down to Singapore, find a place to bunk and attend the Mosaic Music Festival where TSPO will be playing on the 15th of March, 2013.

But there is the matter with timing. Right now, work is up to here (hand at nose) and some other things running in the background is just making it wayyy not cool if I hop on a bus and get my butt down Esplanade Drive.

So thank you Youtube for bringing me closer to TSPO than I've ever gotten on my own.

Enlarging my carbon footprint

Once I told myself by not driving to work etc, I'll be doing the world a coupla favors. First, one less bad driver on the road, second, a lower carbon footprint achieved.

However due to unavoidable circumstances (btw why do I keep spelling circumstances as circumcision? I meant circumstances, circumstances, circumstances) I am now a driver too. Though not that often on the road, I have to admit that I am emitting quite a lot of CO2 lately... burning rubber on the road, and not the healthy kind either.

So for that, world, forgive me.

I shall do my best to make sure my old machine uses the cleanest fuel and convert it to solar/electric engine the moment it can be done.

I bet I'm not the only one asking...

... why oh why there's such thing as war and politics?

Can't everyone just be happy, braid hair, shine nails and eat grapes all day? And at night, sing at the piano, eat yesterday's leftovers and watch some TV?

I can't get that look of the father who lost his twin sons a couple of days ago when the Israeli attacked their home.

God I hate those people who fire missiles at other people. How can you sleep at night?

Israel wants truce? How come I don't believe you?

Likes: Osman Baku

Step aside Oh My English! Osman Baku is in da house!

For those of you who feeling a lil' bit out of touch with the Malay language, Osman Baku can help. I saw one of its 13 episodes last night on RTM's TV2 - it was entertaining, above all, and educational without being preachy.

The character Osman, potrayed by Dato' Rahim Razali reminds me of my dad, my uncles, aunts, my teachers Puan Rohaya and Puan Rosni, who are all teachers (some of them retirees already) who served the nation's schoolgoers in the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. They're strict, tolerate no mistake, credit you accordingly... all that in such effortless manner that you'd be swayed, rather than forced, to accept and learn.

I enjoyed the scene where Osman went to a clinic to see a doctor.



Musicman-turned-actor Achong who played the doctor did an especially great job of a yuppie who tries his best to carry on his duties respectfully despite being reprimanded for using Bahasa Rojak. I bet many of you out there have met such folks who likes mixing their terms like that, butchering the beauty of Bahasa Melayu without realising it.

Congratulations to RTM for choosing quality dramas such as Osman Baku and kudos as well to everyone involved in the making of the series.

Dear Amy Cheong

how are you doing?

I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I've never been sacked due to a moment of frustration vented via Facebook so I really don't want to simply assume. But if I were to imagine myself being in your shoes, I supposed I'd be going out of my mind, feeling full of heart ache and embarrassment, not to mention being totally upset with my own self for acting so foolishly (I think there's supposed to be a -ly though the word foolish is not usually accompanied by it, or is it?).

You see, though I'm not the type of person who aims to climb the corporate ladder (therefore would not really mind not having a swankin' senior executive job), but I do have high hopes that I'll be one of those people where other folks would describe as a nice, respectable person (therefore I'd be more upset with my own conduct than losing a job).

The kind of status update you've posted on your Facebook would not be a fitting example of what a nice person would say, but somehow the moment I saw all the apologies you've posted individually to each Twitter user who managed to find your account, repeating your apologies over and over again... I think you might just be in actuality, a nice person...! When not stressed or provoked at the very least.

Come to think of it, not too many of us can still be nice when put under a lot of stress or thoroughly provoked. Therefore I'd truly like to wish you inner calm and level-headedness (apologies for my atrocious French grammar) for your future undertakings.

(For the record I too did not find the incessant, prolonged popping of fireworks that broke dB barriers every eve of Chinese New Year an enjoyable noise, but rather than getting all worked up I pop on a pair of Sennheiser headphones and listen to Chopin instead (OK I don't really like Chopin, but you get what I mean, right?). It's all about how you deal with annoying things.. and choosing your musical repertoire. Jamiroquai, maybe.)

I hope you'll find another job, perhaps another dwelling space, both in which you need not be in interaction with things that may cause you pain.

As a Malay - as a person, mostly - I have to say I did not like what you did, but what's done is done and everyone should learn from this. If everyone out there is showing you aggression and negativity, let me be one of the few to offer you some kind words and well wishes, so that you can quickly recover and learn to be more mature in your actions. I think we all can benefit more if everyone learn from past mistakes, even if it was someone else who did it. (No wonder my dad kept saying History is important.)

Sincerely,
Your friendly neighbourhood Malaysian Malay

Apologies to all Chickens who rely on the Internet to fart eggs

Tis because This Chicken've been hogging the bandwidth playing old school 90s songs, murdering my eardrums with loud funky noises that most people know as Cake, Alanis Morissette, Weezer, Cranberries, Jamiroquai and No Doubt.

This Chicken blames self for trying to control anger like this. There should be other ways to productively combat the rise of bloodboil inside This Chicken's anatomy.

Seriously, the Farmer and Lil Napo are getting on This Chicken's frail nerves. The nerve of them to assume This Chicken is like them too! C'mon This Chicken is a chicken for heaven's sake. This Chicken only make peanuts farting eggs. Unlike them This Chicken don't make big peanuts!

How This Chicken cherish those moments Farmer becomes the ass of the Barbarians. It got him running around like a.. erm.. headless chicken when one Barbarian simply command, "Find me the honey. I want honey. You get me the honey, bunny!"

And off he goes. Here. There. Everywhere. Ask around he did, and This Chicken puts on a set of headphones and ignore the whole incident as if This Chicken do not fart eggs in this Coop.

How This Chicken cherished the moment Lil Napo suggested that This Chicken fart out a brown bugsabunny egg. How This Chicken enjoyed telling Lil Napo that This Chicken had farted out a brown bugsabunny egg two years ago but it was deemed unsexy. How This Chicken loved it when out loud it was said, "You do it."

Gosh. Stupid, weird, selfish Farmer and Lil Napo.

Selamat Hari Raya 2012

I've not been to a Bazar Ramadhan yet, and there's only a couple of days left in the month. I'm not looking forward to doing all the traveling for Raya, but I guess we gotta do what we gotta do. Likely going to eat too much, but now that I know I can resist being a glutton and deny myself retail therapy, I'm giving myself another challenge for upcoming festivity: Go easy of the food.

That's it. Folks, selamat hari raya aidilfitri and maaf zahir batin, may all of you be safe and happy.

Want to kutuk but kenot. How?

Kutuk. Malay word.

The word, which Google Translate translated to "curse" is more accurately, in this context, that is, translated into the word "bitching", as in "Mary and Melissa were bitching about Madeline when the teacher walked in".

So I feel like I want to kutuk a person for doing a few things that I don't approve, but it is Ramadhan, so I pushed the urge into my KIV box and will, scrap that, make that may or may not revisit in the future.

From blogging on Blogger I've gotten enough time to simmer down, and somehow now I see that the person is not really worth my time. Cause frankly, he is a nobody.

Alt lyrics to Malaysia's 55th National Day Theme Song

A friend was appalled with the newly released 55th National Day Theme Song - Janji Ditepati. She says "Am I supposed to be impressed by this?"

To which I replied, "Lyrics coulda been written better..". I really didn't mind the message the song aimed to convey, but I really wished it wasn't as badly written, which I feel seems like done in haste and bad taste. I sounded as if it was done after the BR1M and Kedai1Malaysia exercise, but before things like TRX and Genovasi was announced, or those would've been mentioned in the rap part too, you wanna bet? And what about Klinik1Malaysia, Kedai Ikan 1Malaysia and Kedai Kain 1Malaysia? Doesn't merit a mention as well?

The first two lines of the original lyrics started out quite bad with the word "macam" instead of "bagai", which I feel has a bit more class when it comes to Malay literature.



The rockbottom part of the lyrics was "Janji sudah ditepati, Kini masa balas budi". OMG, I dunno where to start with these two lines. Cheesy? Too literal? No finesse? How about substituting it with "Duit sudah kita bagi, Bukan dacing jangan undi" if you must, if you really want the message to be properly and irreversibly branded onto people's mind... Apologies for this ranting but this is my opinion and the song made no doubt that it is a pro-gov song. I am one of those on the fence peeps, but music is a big part of me and I can't tolerate something this bad.
 
There's really many more ways to deliver a rephrase of Kennedy's "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country", which I believe to be the core idea of those two lines of super bad lyrics, but as another friend quipped, "That may be the real intention, but using Google Translate won't help!"


But instead just giving a bad comment and further dissing, I thought I might as well provide an alternative. So I started doodling at 1.31PM just now, and turns out it is not that hard to cough up a few corny lines like this, and hey, I used Google Translate too! It may not be a Loloq-esque cryptic work of art, but here's my attempt at the lyrics:

Alternative lyrics to Malaysia's 55th National Day Theme Song - Janji Ditepati
Menyusuri era baru
Melangkaui babak lalu
Kita kan terus berdiri
Setinggi iltizam hati
Walau kita berbeza
Azam kita tetap sama
Bina rakyat cemerlang
Jadi warga yang terbilang
Cita-cita yang mulia
Masyarakat yang berbudi

(Chorus)
Apa guna bersengketa
Ayuh kita wujudkan integrasi
Apa guna berseteru
Ayuh kita merdekakanlah diri

(Rap skit!)
Apa makna merdeka? Bebas dari angkara
Apa rasa merdeka? Bangga dengan Malaysia
Apakah janji kita? Pertahan bumi kita
Tepati janji kita Malaysia terus merdeka



In case you wanna sing the original, here goes (courtesy of umplife and YouTube):
Lirik Lagu Janji Ditepati: 
Macam malam ikut siang
macam bulan ikut matahari
1Malaysia terus berjuang
Janji Kita ditepati
Kata Kita dikota
Janji Kita ditepati
Hidup Rakyat Dibela
Masa Depan Diberkati
Janji sudah ditepati
Kini masa balas budi

(Chorus)
Janji siapa? Janji kita
Janji APa? Janji 1Malaysia
Janji Siapa? Janji kita
Janji Apa? Janji 1Malaysia

Ini janji kita BR1M 1Malaysia
Ini janji 1Malaysia
BR1M 1Malaysia
Kata kita dikota
Kini 1Malaysia Janji kita ditepati
Kedai 1Malaysia

List of things I'm trying not to do this Ramadhan

1. Curse - not matter how many s*** eggs This Chicken is told to produce
2. Get mad about anything (lousy drivers, and cyclists with marshalls on highway - you're in luck!)
3. Spend at Ramadhan bazaars (no sugary stuff, great for losing weight and real detox)
4. Buy any new clothes/shoes/etc for myself (too many baju kurungs of previous years went lonely)
5. Waste precious desktop time watching YouTube (am just gona download and watch while commuting)

OK, OK, hardly Muslimin aims, but hey, a lot of it directly puts me in conventional Ramadhan spirit, so if you don't like my list, I am OK with it (refer to item No. 2 above).

Selamat berpuasa everyone!

Too old for Twitter

I noticed that sometimes I got really smart stuff to say on Twitter, but I end up not posting those because after a reread, it ain't that smart at all. But I'm glad that most of my short ideas to shout out to the world sounds, most of the time, not that original. I rather be not original than stupid.

I think a lot can be said about one's personality when Twitter comes into play. Forcing people to write short, Twitter has made me cultivate a habit of thinking twice before posting anything, because, at the risk of sounding stupid, I'd hate it if people know me so well.

Why should you want to know more about me than necessary? I'm a nobody, and I prefer to be a nobody. If you really wana know me, come see me. Does that mean I'm too old for the Twitter generation? Surely not, right? Not when I'm the one who grew up with Windows Me?

If anyone asks me about what I think of Twitter, I guess the way I see it is Twitter allows everyone to talk to anybody and tell something to everybody. They can chat up stars and politicians, read in their conversations, join a bunch of strangers discussing something, and tolerate those who can't even do it properly.

Do I want to be part of it? I guess it is like the real life. Sometimes you just want to say something, even if it is not original or/and stupid. So I guess yes, sometimes, no, most of the times. Does that tell you more about me?

OMG, new blog layout!

OK, OK, I may be a latecomer, now that I've gotten a short breather after that OMG moment. It's not the "OMG, something new" kinda OMG, but more like, "OMG, I'm finally doing something different to this blog after so many years of blogging on this cobweb-laden page!" kinda OMG, ya know?

Actually I logged in to post an entry - a bitchin' one that is - about Malaysian drivers who have no qualms about throwing rubbish on the roads. You know, start car, go a lil bit forward, oh! Throw a tissue paper with your snot on. Then go forward some more, oh! There's yesterday empty mineral water bottle, throw that too. Then red light, so stop. Oh! Feel like throwing something, so how about that lil dust of a thing that look so familiar but unwanted. Throw some more. You know, that kind of driver.

But I realised now that I've gotten myself a Twitter account, I can simply tweet, "Dear Malaysian driver, please do not throw rubbish while you wait for red light to turn green." In fact, I'll have a bit more characters left to add more comments to the above.

So I decided this entry would be less whiny, more productive, and a little sprinkle of luck as I change the face of the page.

Good luck myself. Heheheheheh.

Why I love the football season

Since my first Euro (the first in which I understood what off-side means), I've been enjoying the football season for a variety of reasons.

But this year's Euro, I'm enjoying it for a reason very different from before. You see being Malaysian, living in Klang Valley and being in my 30s, football season for me is a break from reality.

The sight of many men chasing a ball around the field is a pleasant one as opposed to watching men in yellow shirt doing the mob at Dataran Merdeka and Masjid Jamek area. (The one staged on the holy land nearly got all the Haj pilgrims booted out for this year's season!)

The sight of the referee chasing the men chasing the ball is way more exciting than the sight of a woman in black dress who said she's the wise voice of law yet dissed the police when her gathering went out of hand. (One time you angry with police, next you seek help from police, and you wonder why all you get is the smell of burgers on your dress?)

The sight of the infamous red card is way more pleasant than the headlines in newspaper about some student loan being freezed, then reinstated, given back to the people who never really appreciated the help before. (Heck when the loan giver offer them a chance to convert the loan into scholarship, some of them even argue that getting a 4.0 CGPA is not an attainable feat. Nevermind that some people managed to get 18, 19, or 20 straight A+s before, huh?)

I could go on. But I got a football match to catch.

Old friends, new stories

We had a potluck last Saturday, and boy it surprises each one of us that we've been friends since 1996. It's nice to note that most of us are still the same people, plus minus a few wrinkles... we are after all hitting mid 30s give or take a couple more years!

One of us will be furthering studies. Masters level, her second post-grad project, overseas. Wow.

One of us is in the midst of trying for a second kid. Wow oh wow.

One of us will be expanding her business. Triple wow.

.... Me?

Er, not doing anything special. Just getting by. Very content with the way things are. Still the cabuk reporter who's not even aiming to get promoted or gaining recognition in any way.

Do I wanna further studies? No? Why not? I'm lazy in that sense. I want to learn new things, but I'd hate the commitment to classes and exams. If I do go back to studies, can I learn how to blow glass in that furnace thing and make some nice chandeliers? Can I learn that in a week? I've always wanted a skill that can train me patience.

Do I wanna go overseas? No? Why not? Cause it reminds me of work. When I have to go overseas, many a times that means leaving my family behind. And I'd be thinking of them each time I eat the expensive meals and sleep in the posh hotel my sponsors provide. If I do go overseas, can I take my family and learn how to blow glass into nice things while they enjoy their morning coffee? Can I go, learn and enjoy the country in a month? I've always dreamt of taking a break from my job that way.

Do I want to try for a second kid? Not right now? Why not? Cause I don't think I'm that good at mothering just yet. If I do try for a second kid, can I go overseas where at the same time I get to learn how to blow glass into nice things, enjoy the country then bring back a foreign maid with me? Can I go to China and do that? I've always wanted to brush up my Mandarin.

Do I want to do something else for a living? No? Why not? Cause my work is actually more play than anything else. If I do switch careers, can I become a receptionist? Can I go overseas, learn how to blow glass into nice things, enjoy the country and earn a living doing something that warrants no worries? Maybe after I've brushed up my Mandarin, then I'll be a trilingual addition to any company...

Naah.

I like how things are.

If I continue the way I'm living now, I'd probably not accomplish much. Not contributing much, beyond being an environmentally conscious and a nice neighbour.

Must I make a mark in this world? If I die, must I be remembered for what I've achieved? Are they going to write "Siti Rosman, Pullitzer prize winner, MBA, PHD, saviour of white striped Asian eel, owner of 2,032 strong Starbuxie franchise" on my tombstone?

Probably not... Cause even if they want to, I'd doubt if they'd be able to, cause I ain't doing all that... for now.

Who knows, maybe things will change. Maybe my perspective on life will change once I hit the 40s. Maybe suddenly the moment I hit 40, I'd want people to know me, what I've done, where I've been, who I've met, what awards and accolodates I've achieved (read: mid-life crisis).

Frampton Nuttel, revisited

I was just talking about good stuff I've read with a colleague, and somehow the name Frampton Nuttel came up. Can't believe I get to tell the story of how Frampton got spooked by a simple country kid again!

Have you read The Open Window? No? Read it! You'll love it!

Maniac

This morning I saw for the first time something that even the most experienced mat rempit would shy away from.

One motorcyclist was doing the macarena with his hand while riding a kapcai (small motorbike) like he's as immortal as Edward Cullen, terrorising the middle and fast lanes, making car drivers jam their foot on the brakes.

Nearly causing cars and other bikes bump into each other, I saw the maniac swerving left and right - I truly suspect he's either drunk or high on something - and I waited. I waited for something to happen.

Then it happened.

Nope, he did not crash.

Nope, he did not stop.

In fact, the other motorists simply drove away from him, and the road parted in front of him like it did in Bruce Almighty (you know, the movie with Jim Carrie and Jennifer Aniston).

So did he make full use of the opportunity?

You guessed right. He didn't.

He simply switched lane, zipping about as he goes, and began to terrorise the other motorists on the slower lanes pulak.

Like I said, maniac.