Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

And I will let go a chance to date the whole of the Italian football team for a dinner date on a Caribbean beach with Johnny Depp - my crush since the days Freddie first claimed Elm Street his, my love since Faizal Hussein began dating Nasha Aziz...

Of course my love did not disappoint me - he asked me out for breakfast instead. So there I was yesterday morning, 10.30AM sharp, nowhere special just Midvalley's GSC, inside Hall 10, dark and cold the silver screen spewing out beer ads.

And then he arrived, with a gunshot from a watery grave, from the sea onto his resurrected Black Pearl. He is, as he always is, his lovely self.

Not clean - personal hygine is a trifle matter, he says.

However, always in swagger and style.

Not sober - though he wondered why the rum's always gone, when he could not stand straight on his sea-legs he remembered where it all went.

Though savvy and articulate still.

Not afraid - send in an old enemy, a selfish seductress, a betrayed friend even a terror from the deep sea; there's a plan somewhere up his sleeve.

But inevitably and unfortunately, cursed.

And so will you be the moment you walk out of the cinema - you'll be doomed to suffer another year of agonizing wait...