Chicken wrote a long letter

Dear Chickietu my man!

How are you la dude?

(OK I'm not really waiting for that answer coz I'm writing in to b**** as you're the only person who will know exactly what I mean.)

Lemme get on with what happened.

This morning the Farmer and Lil Napoleanina called for scrum and the Donkey still not in.

So This Chicken earnestly just called out, "Yo Farmer dear, shouldnt we wait for Donkey?"

Farmer sarcastically replied, "If we wait for Donkey then we'll have to wait till finishes pulling the That cart (read: Defending the Donkey Part 1. Please also note that pulling the cart, be it This cart or That cart, is Donkey's thing to do, but in any case Donkey rarely does).

So This Chicken went in for the scrum, and The Farmer and Lil Napo tried to saddle This Chicken with loads of egg-farting whatever and This Chicken said, "Sure I can get some eggs out but hey what's the Donkey doing? I see that he's pulling hardly one cart per two months. Why izzit balik2 This Chicken has to be farting the eggs?"

Farmer said, "Oh Donkey's doing cart pulling in the street so Donkey's got a lot to do, yes Donkey does," (read: Defending the Donkey Part 2).

This Chicken was like, "If Donkey's doing that, so was This Chicken last week and Lil Napo the week before. So what? All of us have to do it la. Plus we also do a bunch more things than farting brown eggs alone, there's blue eggs, green eggs and pewter eggs. Now pewter eggs, your angel Lil Napo right here (right in front of Farmer's right-chicken This Chicken said this) said before, 'Pewter eggs is not my thing' and now Farmer've asked chickens from outside to supply. So Farmer still spend moolsh. Why not just get Chickenwan to come back?

Lil Napo goes, "Hey I fart out pewter eggs ok... (Yeah right. Bila pewter egg demand is high and sexy of course Lil Napo wana fart pewter eggs. Unsexy pewter egg dont wana fart pulak.. Those boring pewter eggs even more so!)

Farmer goes, "Oh if This Coop do that then This Coop will have to be compared to other Coop chickens who produces three eggs per day (read: That's total bullshit coz no other Chicken in any other Coop does that!)

This Chicken retorted, but we fart eggs differently, Farmer needs to note that to whoever's getting on The Coop's case la. Like Donkey, on top of all this doing less than other Chickens are (by that This Chicken didn't include the Farmer, perhaps he didn't notice, but truth be said Farmer hardly farts anything out of his a***)

Farmer goes, "Eh I've been pressuring Donkey to do the pulling (read: Defending the Donkey Part 3 and My Holy Farmeric Management Way Part 1). This particular cart he is pulling now will be Second Main Thing for the Coop next week see."

So This Chicken just geleng kepala and shut up for the rest of the scrum.

30 mins after scrum finish, Donkey waltz in at 1230. This Chicken asked The Donkey, "Eh so quickly your cart pulling today finished?"

Donkey goes, "What cart pulling? That cart pulling? It's next week on 31 lah. Which by the way also clashes with the cart pulling 101 the Farmer've set me for."

This Chicken go like, "Well its supposed to be Second Main Thing for the Coop next week."

(Note: Donkey, as bonehead as Donkey goes, once in a while do clue in that Donkey does have a clue about how The Coop is supposed to run. Proof as per below:)

Donkey said, "For next week ah? How can sure can't make it cause That cart pulling will only be happenning on Coop's dead day. Can't make it for next week lah."

And This concluded the conversation with, "Damn what a load of bullshit. Got only three chickens to eye yet the Farmer still cant keep track."

(End of what happened and now back to you, my man Chickietu)

On top of all the shitty stuff that just happened, yesterday The Farmer keep pestering This Chicken as The Farmer thought This Chicken simply didn't appear in the Coop for the heck of it (when This Chicken was actually at a big-ass egg making material party).

This Chicken wonders if The Farmer does the same to the Donkey? Naaaaaaahhhhh - Chickeitu you know it and This Chicken know it!)

So Chickietu the real actual important point writing and sending you this letter is, do you know anyone who's hiring a chickiceptionist?

This Chicken is tired of farting eggs and would welcome any non-farting activities to do.

Ok Chickietu, you've been a blast!

Thank you for your kind attention, and have a great weekend :D

"Tuntutlah ilmu biarpun sampai ke negeri China"

Berita Harian today carried a report of local company, Hijjaz Trade Corporation Sdn Bhd sponsoring bright SPM student Nik Nur Madihah Nik Mohd Kamal and her mom and dad to perform Umrah.

So you see, boys and girls, if you're hardworking enough, studying will not only get to China, but other points on Earth as well. For Madihah's case her spot was even more precious.

Wishing Hijjaz more inspiring feat soon.

Wishing the family better future ahead.

Wishing Madihah a good next step towards higher education (go to Jordan girl! UK is so passe!)

Wishing all of you guys out there keep learning. (OK this wish is more for me rather than anyone else. Do you guys know anyone else who gets only sleep marks on her forehead everytime she picks up an Economy 101 text book? I thought so.)

Chicken waits

A waiting Chicken is not a pretty sight. Imagine wings all terkelepek at the sides. The bulu pelepah all ruffled. The balung so penyek like that.

But the Chicken must wait. Have to.

The slowdown is making the Chicken quite afraid to fly away from the Coop and leave a nasty hate letter to the Farmer and all of his kuncu-kuncu.

So the Chicken waits for the perfect opportunity to disappear. At the same time the Chicken is counting on magic tricks that might take place by the end of the month or after a few more weeks.

Cause the Chicken can no longer lay nice brown eggs. Stinky yellow ones yes, but not healthy, normal ones, no this Chicken can't.

The events that has been taking place within the Coop has made this Chicken's capability and will to lay nice brown eggs a near impossible feat.

Especially when the Donkey is donkeying around this Chicken's eggspace. (We all know Donkey gets horny when a stud is nearby. Sheesh!)

Plus Lil' Napoleanina's been cheating off this Chickens' hardwork. (Taking credit for some other less fortunate Chicken's eggs, now that's plain nasty. Haiya...)

And the Barbarians are being, well barbarically stupider than this Chicken can ever imagine. (But in retrospect this Chicken believes the Barbarians are being barbaric as that's the only way to chase out high-maintenance Chickens. Bacul!)

What else can be said about the Farmer that this Chicken hasn't? Cheis! Can't believe the Farmer's doing has robbed this Chicken off sanity, humour, creativity, will, skills and even a vocab chock-full of bad language!

And all that is left is !@#$$%^&! (See pressing SHIFT and the first few numbers on your keyboard is what's left of my I-curse-thee vocabulary).

So this Chicken waits.