Dear Chickietu my man!
How are you la dude?
(OK I'm not really waiting for that answer coz I'm writing in to b**** as you're the only person who will know exactly what I mean.)
Lemme get on with what happened.
This morning the Farmer and Lil Napoleanina called for scrum and the Donkey still not in.
So This Chicken earnestly just called out, "Yo Farmer dear, shouldnt we wait for Donkey?"
Farmer sarcastically replied, "If we wait for Donkey then we'll have to wait till finishes pulling the That cart (read: Defending the Donkey Part 1. Please also note that pulling the cart, be it This cart or That cart, is Donkey's thing to do, but in any case Donkey rarely does).
So This Chicken went in for the scrum, and The Farmer and Lil Napo tried to saddle This Chicken with loads of egg-farting whatever and This Chicken said, "Sure I can get some eggs out but hey what's the Donkey doing? I see that he's pulling hardly one cart per two months. Why izzit balik2 This Chicken has to be farting the eggs?"
Farmer said, "Oh Donkey's doing cart pulling in the street so Donkey's got a lot to do, yes Donkey does," (read: Defending the Donkey Part 2).
This Chicken was like, "If Donkey's doing that, so was This Chicken last week and Lil Napo the week before. So what? All of us have to do it la. Plus we also do a bunch more things than farting brown eggs alone, there's blue eggs, green eggs and pewter eggs. Now pewter eggs, your angel Lil Napo right here (right in front of Farmer's right-chicken This Chicken said this) said before, 'Pewter eggs is not my thing' and now Farmer've asked chickens from outside to supply. So Farmer still spend moolsh. Why not just get Chickenwan to come back?
Lil Napo goes, "Hey I fart out pewter eggs ok... (Yeah right. Bila pewter egg demand is high and sexy of course Lil Napo wana fart pewter eggs. Unsexy pewter egg dont wana fart pulak.. Those boring pewter eggs even more so!)
Farmer goes, "Oh if This Coop do that then This Coop will have to be compared to other Coop chickens who produces three eggs per day (read: That's total bullshit coz no other Chicken in any other Coop does that!)
This Chicken retorted, but we fart eggs differently, Farmer needs to note that to whoever's getting on The Coop's case la. Like Donkey, on top of all this doing less than other Chickens are (by that This Chicken didn't include the Farmer, perhaps he didn't notice, but truth be said Farmer hardly farts anything out of his a***)
Farmer goes, "Eh I've been pressuring Donkey to do the pulling (read: Defending the Donkey Part 3 and My Holy Farmeric Management Way Part 1). This particular cart he is pulling now will be Second Main Thing for the Coop next week see."
So This Chicken just geleng kepala and shut up for the rest of the scrum.
30 mins after scrum finish, Donkey waltz in at 1230. This Chicken asked The Donkey, "Eh so quickly your cart pulling today finished?"
Donkey goes, "What cart pulling? That cart pulling? It's next week on 31 lah. Which by the way also clashes with the cart pulling 101 the Farmer've set me for."
This Chicken go like, "Well its supposed to be Second Main Thing for the Coop next week."
(Note: Donkey, as bonehead as Donkey goes, once in a while do clue in that Donkey does have a clue about how The Coop is supposed to run. Proof as per below:)
Donkey said, "For next week ah? How can sure can't make it cause That cart pulling will only be happenning on Coop's dead day. Can't make it for next week lah."
And This concluded the conversation with, "Damn what a load of bullshit. Got only three chickens to eye yet the Farmer still cant keep track."
(End of what happened and now back to you, my man Chickietu)
On top of all the shitty stuff that just happened, yesterday The Farmer keep pestering This Chicken as The Farmer thought This Chicken simply didn't appear in the Coop for the heck of it (when This Chicken was actually at a big-ass egg making material party).
This Chicken wonders if The Farmer does the same to the Donkey? Naaaaaaahhhhh - Chickeitu you know it and This Chicken know it!)
So Chickietu the real actual important point writing and sending you this letter is, do you know anyone who's hiring a chickiceptionist?
This Chicken is tired of farting eggs and would welcome any non-farting activities to do.
Ok Chickietu, you've been a blast!
Thank you for your kind attention, and have a great weekend :D
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"Tuntutlah ilmu biarpun sampai ke negeri China"
Berita Harian today carried a report of local company, Hijjaz Trade Corporation Sdn Bhd sponsoring bright SPM student Nik Nur Madihah Nik Mohd Kamal and her mom and dad to perform Umrah.
So you see, boys and girls, if you're hardworking enough, studying will not only get to China, but other points on Earth as well. For Madihah's case her spot was even more precious.
Wishing Hijjaz more inspiring feat soon.
Wishing the family better future ahead.
Wishing Madihah a good next step towards higher education (go to Jordan girl! UK is so passe!)
Wishing all of you guys out there keep learning. (OK this wish is more for me rather than anyone else. Do you guys know anyone else who gets only sleep marks on her forehead everytime she picks up an Economy 101 text book? I thought so.)
So you see, boys and girls, if you're hardworking enough, studying will not only get to China, but other points on Earth as well. For Madihah's case her spot was even more precious.
Wishing Hijjaz more inspiring feat soon.
Wishing the family better future ahead.
Wishing Madihah a good next step towards higher education (go to Jordan girl! UK is so passe!)
Wishing all of you guys out there keep learning. (OK this wish is more for me rather than anyone else. Do you guys know anyone else who gets only sleep marks on her forehead everytime she picks up an Economy 101 text book? I thought so.)
Friday, March 13, 2009
Chicken waits
A waiting Chicken is not a pretty sight. Imagine wings all terkelepek at the sides. The bulu pelepah all ruffled. The balung so penyek like that.
But the Chicken must wait. Have to.
The slowdown is making the Chicken quite afraid to fly away from the Coop and leave a nasty hate letter to the Farmer and all of his kuncu-kuncu.
So the Chicken waits for the perfect opportunity to disappear. At the same time the Chicken is counting on magic tricks that might take place by the end of the month or after a few more weeks.
Cause the Chicken can no longer lay nice brown eggs. Stinky yellow ones yes, but not healthy, normal ones, no this Chicken can't.
The events that has been taking place within the Coop has made this Chicken's capability and will to lay nice brown eggs a near impossible feat.
Especially when the Donkey is donkeying around this Chicken's eggspace. (We all know Donkey gets horny when a stud is nearby. Sheesh!)
Plus Lil' Napoleanina's been cheating off this Chickens' hardwork. (Taking credit for some other less fortunate Chicken's eggs, now that's plain nasty. Haiya...)
And the Barbarians are being, well barbarically stupider than this Chicken can ever imagine. (But in retrospect this Chicken believes the Barbarians are being barbaric as that's the only way to chase out high-maintenance Chickens. Bacul!)
What else can be said about the Farmer that this Chicken hasn't? Cheis! Can't believe the Farmer's doing has robbed this Chicken off sanity, humour, creativity, will, skills and even a vocab chock-full of bad language!
And all that is left is !@#$$%^&! (See pressing SHIFT and the first few numbers on your keyboard is what's left of my I-curse-thee vocabulary).
So this Chicken waits.
But the Chicken must wait. Have to.
The slowdown is making the Chicken quite afraid to fly away from the Coop and leave a nasty hate letter to the Farmer and all of his kuncu-kuncu.
So the Chicken waits for the perfect opportunity to disappear. At the same time the Chicken is counting on magic tricks that might take place by the end of the month or after a few more weeks.
Cause the Chicken can no longer lay nice brown eggs. Stinky yellow ones yes, but not healthy, normal ones, no this Chicken can't.
The events that has been taking place within the Coop has made this Chicken's capability and will to lay nice brown eggs a near impossible feat.
Especially when the Donkey is donkeying around this Chicken's eggspace. (We all know Donkey gets horny when a stud is nearby. Sheesh!)
Plus Lil' Napoleanina's been cheating off this Chickens' hardwork. (Taking credit for some other less fortunate Chicken's eggs, now that's plain nasty. Haiya...)
And the Barbarians are being, well barbarically stupider than this Chicken can ever imagine. (But in retrospect this Chicken believes the Barbarians are being barbaric as that's the only way to chase out high-maintenance Chickens. Bacul!)
What else can be said about the Farmer that this Chicken hasn't? Cheis! Can't believe the Farmer's doing has robbed this Chicken off sanity, humour, creativity, will, skills and even a vocab chock-full of bad language!
And all that is left is !@#$$%^&! (See pressing SHIFT and the first few numbers on your keyboard is what's left of my I-curse-thee vocabulary).
So this Chicken waits.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
This Chicken is too sexy for its job
I'm too sexy for my job, too sexy for my job, my job's gonna leave me!
I'm a Chicken, you know what I do, and I'll do that lil' turn on the Farmwalk...
Yesterday was the day This Chicken finally received the much awaited enlightenment: That this Chicken needs to fly away from the Coop.
Seriously, just when about a minute before that This Chicken was still holding on to the much mentioned mantra "I'll rot here. I plan to rot here."
It just had to happen, I suppose. The days of feeling good about farting good brown eggs is about to come to an end, that's what This Chicken is feeling at the pit of its stomach.
And This Chicken's stomach aches. Pruuuut...!
Oops, farted out smelly air again instead of a nice brown egg. (Id est, I did not work at work today.)
But what's new? Truth is there has not been that many good brown eggs lately. All This Chicken been farting out are makeshift whatever-sempat eggs. Or kena-tipu-so-kena-fart-out eggs. Which are actually not real eggs. Meaning you can't eat the eggs.
Cause if you do eat them eggs, you'd be er.. stupid. Sorry about that. But it is the truth. Garbage in, garbage out, no? Yes.... So there's no need to re-eat the garbage ya?
This Chicken's gonna sing...
I'm too sexy for my job, too sexy for my job, my job's gonna leave me!
I'm a Chicken, you know what I do, and I'll do that lil' turn on the Farmwalk...
p/s: Id est or better known as i.e., means "that is" or "in other words". Cool eh?
I'm a Chicken, you know what I do, and I'll do that lil' turn on the Farmwalk...
Yesterday was the day This Chicken finally received the much awaited enlightenment: That this Chicken needs to fly away from the Coop.
Seriously, just when about a minute before that This Chicken was still holding on to the much mentioned mantra "I'll rot here. I plan to rot here."
It just had to happen, I suppose. The days of feeling good about farting good brown eggs is about to come to an end, that's what This Chicken is feeling at the pit of its stomach.
And This Chicken's stomach aches. Pruuuut...!
Oops, farted out smelly air again instead of a nice brown egg. (Id est, I did not work at work today.)
But what's new? Truth is there has not been that many good brown eggs lately. All This Chicken been farting out are makeshift whatever-sempat eggs. Or kena-tipu-so-kena-fart-out eggs. Which are actually not real eggs. Meaning you can't eat the eggs.
Cause if you do eat them eggs, you'd be er.. stupid. Sorry about that. But it is the truth. Garbage in, garbage out, no? Yes.... So there's no need to re-eat the garbage ya?
This Chicken's gonna sing...
I'm too sexy for my job, too sexy for my job, my job's gonna leave me!
I'm a Chicken, you know what I do, and I'll do that lil' turn on the Farmwalk...
p/s: Id est or better known as i.e., means "that is" or "in other words". Cool eh?
Friday, February 06, 2009
Chicken delegated
This Chicken is tired, angry, freaked out, and damn irritated.
Tired from having the day-trip fly-out-of-the-Coop thing yesterday.
Angry from having read the list of eggs that needed to be farted out.
Freaked out from having realised that Lil Napoleanina, Stupid Farmer (oh yeah, didn't I tell you Farmer got promoted to Stupid Farmer for reasons I bet you can just guess?) and Donkey are going behind Chicken's back and plotting stuff that will contribute to my demise?
And finally, damn irritated. Because This Chicken knew this was coming. Can This Chicken cheat her own doomsday?
And oh, This Chicken HATE Lil Napoleanina and Stupid Farmer for being such a self-centered, agonizingly moronic fuckery beings who only deserve a flying kick on their asses for doing this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna have to fly away from the Coop, don't do day-trips. I knew I should've taken sick leave today. Farts!
p/s: I am kinda proud that I came up with 'agonizingly moronic fuckery' for this post, which goes to show you only need a bit or air to fart. Oooh... I just smiled at my own wankery joke.
Tired from having the day-trip fly-out-of-the-Coop thing yesterday.
Angry from having read the list of eggs that needed to be farted out.
Freaked out from having realised that Lil Napoleanina, Stupid Farmer (oh yeah, didn't I tell you Farmer got promoted to Stupid Farmer for reasons I bet you can just guess?) and Donkey are going behind Chicken's back and plotting stuff that will contribute to my demise?
And finally, damn irritated. Because This Chicken knew this was coming. Can This Chicken cheat her own doomsday?
And oh, This Chicken HATE Lil Napoleanina and Stupid Farmer for being such a self-centered, agonizingly moronic fuckery beings who only deserve a flying kick on their asses for doing this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna have to fly away from the Coop, don't do day-trips. I knew I should've taken sick leave today. Farts!
p/s: I am kinda proud that I came up with 'agonizingly moronic fuckery' for this post, which goes to show you only need a bit or air to fart. Oooh... I just smiled at my own wankery joke.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Been meaning to thank...
... TV2 for showing Dresden Files. Though this cool series has only one season and the cycle at TV2 has nearly reached its end, I thank the station for still choosing to air it.
... BB/BCB/CIMB branch in Brickfields opposite KL Sentral - I think it is the Wisma Koponas Jalan Tun Sambanthan branch - for being such a cool bank - literally! Though I am not an active BB account holder since ol' MARA days, I am still enjoying first class service from the staff at this branch. They are fast, efficient, helpful, and I have never caught any of them being anything but friendly and cordial while dealing with customers.
To more good stuff from TV2 and CIMB Wisma Koponas!
... BB/BCB/CIMB branch in Brickfields opposite KL Sentral - I think it is the Wisma Koponas Jalan Tun Sambanthan branch - for being such a cool bank - literally! Though I am not an active BB account holder since ol' MARA days, I am still enjoying first class service from the staff at this branch. They are fast, efficient, helpful, and I have never caught any of them being anything but friendly and cordial while dealing with customers.
To more good stuff from TV2 and CIMB Wisma Koponas!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Relunctantly, I cheered through AJL 23
I got suckered into listening and watching Anugerah Juara Lagu 23 last night, thanks to a bunch of mates I was hangin out with. Surprisingly I was entertained when:
15... when the whole AJL 23 was nicely scripted and well handled by Cheryl, FBI and Sally Iskandar. I mean Ally Iskandar.
14... when the orchestra made Aizat's simple but melodious Lagu Kita all grand and posh. One vote for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.
13... when we all have not heard ever of this Aiman guy. But if there's a separate category for best lyrics, bets will be on Dusta Berkalang.
12... when Sofaz's pop-rocking song got "sabotaged" by the strings ensemble going slurry krocety nyetnyetnyet all over the chorus, and their best rockin' face turned all soft and bubblegummy. Sappy sounding strings like that in a pop-rock song like Sofaz's? Bukan Di Sini. One vote out for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.
11... when Estranged got innovative with white screens. Tapi macam pernah tengok je... Macam teater Mek Mulong...
10... when everyone's got a consipiracy theory on why Ayu managed to scrape through to the finals with Hanya Di Mercu. The strongest theory also linked Ramli M.S. being choice conductor and music director again and again when there are others who can do the job just as well, well aware that when it comes to orchestra, emphasis on string instruments is not compulsory on every damn song.
9... when Zahid's performance totally outdid Mawi's. He totally owned Doa Dalam Lagu, what more with Heliza's pitching and ad-libbing splattered all over the floor. Ouch.
8... when Stacy made Aku Stacy a legittimate contender. It deserved to be there just cause she delivers it so well despite having a tacky pair of gold leotard on hahaha!
7... when Faizal Tahir got a haircut while singing Sampai Syurga and ended up with a RM10,000 refund. Now when will I get a nice haircut like that and a refund just as much?
6... when Spider showed their maturity and wisdom by choosing to deliver Bila Nak Saksi all raw, sans Ramli M.S.'s string/piano crazy arrangement. Thank you, thank you, thank you Spider. Another vote out for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.
5... when Chinese New Year came early with Farahwahida's Persoalan Cinta and the song bagged an RM12,000 angpow. Tumpang lalu, Noraniza Idris.
4... when Elyana's mic got screwed and her split-second disappointed face nearly ruin her bersahaja performance - but she pulled through. Kalis Rindu aye, kalis screw nay.
3... when I won the bet. Ya, with songs like Cuba and Hanya Di Mercu, Meet Uncle Hussein's Lagu Untukmu will win as the song represents new generation, new idea and new sounds coming from within our music industry. Somebody still owe me RM30.
2... when songwriter Julfekar showed his happenning side singing along to Lagu Untukmu's winner encore and during chorus he looked ready to ponggo with Audi Mok.
And my most memorable AJL23 moment was...
1... when Azwan Ali happily hooted and cheered for Ziana Zain's top-of-my-lungs-or-this-is-not-Ziana-Zain-singin rendition of Dingin! (Considering he nearly dragged Ogy & Melodi to court with her naughty makan hati comment on Ziana's wedding years ago huhu!) Damn funny la wei! Now we know why Azwan is still in this business..
15... when the whole AJL 23 was nicely scripted and well handled by Cheryl, FBI and Sally Iskandar. I mean Ally Iskandar.
14... when the orchestra made Aizat's simple but melodious Lagu Kita all grand and posh. One vote for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.
13... when we all have not heard ever of this Aiman guy. But if there's a separate category for best lyrics, bets will be on Dusta Berkalang.
12... when Sofaz's pop-rocking song got "sabotaged" by the strings ensemble going slurry krocety nyetnyetnyet all over the chorus, and their best rockin' face turned all soft and bubblegummy. Sappy sounding strings like that in a pop-rock song like Sofaz's? Bukan Di Sini. One vote out for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.
11... when Estranged got innovative with white screens. Tapi macam pernah tengok je... Macam teater Mek Mulong...
10... when everyone's got a consipiracy theory on why Ayu managed to scrape through to the finals with Hanya Di Mercu. The strongest theory also linked Ramli M.S. being choice conductor and music director again and again when there are others who can do the job just as well, well aware that when it comes to orchestra, emphasis on string instruments is not compulsory on every damn song.
9... when Zahid's performance totally outdid Mawi's. He totally owned Doa Dalam Lagu, what more with Heliza's pitching and ad-libbing splattered all over the floor. Ouch.
8... when Stacy made Aku Stacy a legittimate contender. It deserved to be there just cause she delivers it so well despite having a tacky pair of gold leotard on hahaha!
7... when Faizal Tahir got a haircut while singing Sampai Syurga and ended up with a RM10,000 refund. Now when will I get a nice haircut like that and a refund just as much?
6... when Spider showed their maturity and wisdom by choosing to deliver Bila Nak Saksi all raw, sans Ramli M.S.'s string/piano crazy arrangement. Thank you, thank you, thank you Spider. Another vote out for Ramli M.S. and his I-love-string instruments-so-much-I-just-can't-help-myself arrangement.
5... when Chinese New Year came early with Farahwahida's Persoalan Cinta and the song bagged an RM12,000 angpow. Tumpang lalu, Noraniza Idris.
4... when Elyana's mic got screwed and her split-second disappointed face nearly ruin her bersahaja performance - but she pulled through. Kalis Rindu aye, kalis screw nay.
3... when I won the bet. Ya, with songs like Cuba and Hanya Di Mercu, Meet Uncle Hussein's Lagu Untukmu will win as the song represents new generation, new idea and new sounds coming from within our music industry. Somebody still owe me RM30.
2... when songwriter Julfekar showed his happenning side singing along to Lagu Untukmu's winner encore and during chorus he looked ready to ponggo with Audi Mok.
And my most memorable AJL23 moment was...
1... when Azwan Ali happily hooted and cheered for Ziana Zain's top-of-my-lungs-or-this-is-not-Ziana-Zain-singin rendition of Dingin! (Considering he nearly dragged Ogy & Melodi to court with her naughty makan hati comment on Ziana's wedding years ago huhu!) Damn funny la wei! Now we know why Azwan is still in this business..
Monday, December 29, 2008
What a coupla weeks out of the Coop can do
OK.
So This Chicken's been away from the Coop nearly a coupla weeks already. I'm sure by now eggs are laying on the desk waiting to be hatched but the rest of it are not really anyone's business, not even This Chicken's.
At home, no grouses, no holiday plans, nothing much to do except washing when the sun shines, watching halfway through soap operas from Indonesia, peck a bit at this and that...
.. and out of being so bored not bitching about The Farmer, The Barbarians nor Lil Napoleanina, This Chicken logged in onto her Yahoo!Mail and started digging some old, unopened forwarded emails saved for days exactly like this.
Yes, I read about what Anwar Ibrahim supporters are so passionate about. And the email prompted This Chicken to check out a link in YouTube. Hmm... funny how Anwar Ibrahim's speech about how he'll lower the pricing of minyak in YouTube is somehow tagged Ida Nerina Fauzi Nawawi Main Minyak Part 2.
Whateverlah.
Like This Chicken care what Anwar Ibrahim, Ida Nerina or Fauzi Nawawi wants to do in their spare time.
Sigh.
Truth is This Chicken is quite embarassed. Not cause This Chicken just owned up to being curious about a left wing political hard sell speech nor having logged into YouTube and bumped into a sex video footage instead.
It is more of being embarassed over what goes on in This Chicken's head. It goes like:
So one guy wanna take over the country.
This Chicken's immediate internal response: Ye la tu..
And two guys wanna do a 69.
This Chicken's immediate internal response: Takde keje la tu..
How could a Chicken who's been raised right by the parents can look at all this and not have any strong negative reaction towards it. Shouldn't it be like:
One wanna take over the country.
This Chicken's immediate internal response: Who are you to take over the country when all you have given us is Bahasa Baku? And you were Menteri Kewangan 91 -98 as you've pointed out in the video I just watched, and you allowed slashing of education fund first during the recession? Real smart ya?
Two wanna do a 69.
This Chicken's immediate internal response: Orang mesia ni takde kerja bodoh lain ke nak buat? Pegi tanam padi pakai kuku kambing pun kira OK lagi..
At least these kind of initial retorts would've been more er.. appropriate? Or is This Chicken's way too dumbed-down already to even worry about the country's political future and the rakyat's (celebs are rakyat too ya) moral?
Guess tis just The Chicken being out of touch with the world.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Enter the power-hungry Barbarians! Ach!
New characters has entered the Coop, and this Chicken is all unhappy about it. Barbarians - ooh, chickens in the coop are all trembling in "fear" and laughter.
To document this new characters is quite hard, frankly, as this Chicken knows not where to begin.
They claim they know everything. They claim technology is dead and the world is flat.
They like to mess around in the Coop, causing the Farmer to quake in his shoes. Yes, the Farmer is being bullied by the Barbarians.
The Barbarians are taking over the Coop because the can, and our dear ol' Farmer is too afraid to retaliate. Even when there is a threat to slaughter Farmer's beloved Angels, the Farmer is not doing anything at all as he was too busy not doing his farmerly duties.
While it is a lot of fun to see ol' Farmer being cornered, bullied and laughed at, us Chickens in the Coop is always aware that if the Farmer's not flexin' his muscles on even a bit of farming, us Chickens might just get slaughtered one, by, one. It will not just be the Angels.
Oooh... but this Chicken recently started a nasty rumour that those wanker Barbarians are also aiming to take away Farmer's beloved Little Napoleanina out of the farm as well. Woohoo!
Now us Chickens know what it is like to be the bad guy!
Exciting enough, but on a more serious note, this Chicken is wondering just how much more shitty can life in the Coop be?
In case you're wondering how us Chickens are coping, suffice to say we are now pecking methodically in the Coop to look good. Layin' low for now..
p/s: Go see Bolt in 3D!
To document this new characters is quite hard, frankly, as this Chicken knows not where to begin.
They claim they know everything. They claim technology is dead and the world is flat.
They like to mess around in the Coop, causing the Farmer to quake in his shoes. Yes, the Farmer is being bullied by the Barbarians.
The Barbarians are taking over the Coop because the can, and our dear ol' Farmer is too afraid to retaliate. Even when there is a threat to slaughter Farmer's beloved Angels, the Farmer is not doing anything at all as he was too busy not doing his farmerly duties.
While it is a lot of fun to see ol' Farmer being cornered, bullied and laughed at, us Chickens in the Coop is always aware that if the Farmer's not flexin' his muscles on even a bit of farming, us Chickens might just get slaughtered one, by, one. It will not just be the Angels.
Oooh... but this Chicken recently started a nasty rumour that those wanker Barbarians are also aiming to take away Farmer's beloved Little Napoleanina out of the farm as well. Woohoo!
Now us Chickens know what it is like to be the bad guy!
Exciting enough, but on a more serious note, this Chicken is wondering just how much more shitty can life in the Coop be?
In case you're wondering how us Chickens are coping, suffice to say we are now pecking methodically in the Coop to look good. Layin' low for now..
p/s: Go see Bolt in 3D!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Chicken talks about dasar pandang ke Donkey
Dasar pandang ke Donkey is actually is very practical approach to adopt while working in the Coop, as This Chicken can safely tell you. The dasar pandang part already suggests that you should follow the best example, and the ke Donkey pretty much sums up the fact that the Donkey is the best example to follow, as of right now.
I mean, why bother with doing any egg-laying activities when your eggs will end up not collected, not used and not sold by the Farmer?
Why is that happenning, you may ask? Well it is because the Farmer has his lovely pets, Lil Napoleanina and The Other to rely on for eggs. Not that they're bad chickens themselves, more of not the right kind of chickens for the Coop if you must ask for my humble opinion.
And it doesn't help if the Big Big Farmers of the Coop already told the Farmer that the right kind of eggs would be the regular brown that all consumers love. Less on the cholesterol and preferably washed before packaged. Simple ain't it?
But it is just that the Farmer is not liking this simple change. Oh no, no, sir. The Farmer loves whatever shade of eggs the Lil Napoleanina and The Other farts out. Whatever comes out of their butts must be good, so he believes.
No, no, sir, plain brown eggs is not his thing.
So why should this Chicken bother farting out eggs right? So this Chicken is going to do the Donkey.
The dasar pandang ke Donkey is the way to do it. This Chicken's gonna sit down at her nook in the Coop, turn me head to the left and look behind me shoulder and see what the Donkey does.
Which is nothing.
And that is what this Chicken will imitate.
A little song to go with this (sing it like you sing Oh My Darlin' Clementine):
Do the donkey
Do the donkey
Do the donkey la la laaa...
Do the donkey
Do the donkey
Do the donkey la la laaa!
Life is good...
I mean, why bother with doing any egg-laying activities when your eggs will end up not collected, not used and not sold by the Farmer?
Why is that happenning, you may ask? Well it is because the Farmer has his lovely pets, Lil Napoleanina and The Other to rely on for eggs. Not that they're bad chickens themselves, more of not the right kind of chickens for the Coop if you must ask for my humble opinion.
And it doesn't help if the Big Big Farmers of the Coop already told the Farmer that the right kind of eggs would be the regular brown that all consumers love. Less on the cholesterol and preferably washed before packaged. Simple ain't it?
But it is just that the Farmer is not liking this simple change. Oh no, no, sir. The Farmer loves whatever shade of eggs the Lil Napoleanina and The Other farts out. Whatever comes out of their butts must be good, so he believes.
No, no, sir, plain brown eggs is not his thing.
So why should this Chicken bother farting out eggs right? So this Chicken is going to do the Donkey.
The dasar pandang ke Donkey is the way to do it. This Chicken's gonna sit down at her nook in the Coop, turn me head to the left and look behind me shoulder and see what the Donkey does.
Which is nothing.
And that is what this Chicken will imitate.
A little song to go with this (sing it like you sing Oh My Darlin' Clementine):
Do the donkey
Do the donkey
Do the donkey la la laaa...
Do the donkey
Do the donkey
Do the donkey la la laaa!
Life is good...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Orientally alone
Waaahhh! I'm hooked on this new hobby. Previously I take shots of my lovely phoot whenever I had to travel alone. Now I'm taking my own shadow (plus my lil' point-n-shoot camera of course)!Great achievement for the Chicken this is! Huhuhuhu! Wo ji ke ren zhai Shanghai. Wo te 24-hour Internet connection shi hen fast. Excuse my Mandarin now.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Bored, bored, bored
I am so bored. I wish I have some new DVDs to watch. Hopefully films that has nothing to do with coops, chickens, donkeys or asses, eggs and so on.. and so on..
I went to a few sites to get some stuff to watch, but connection's bad.
ASTRO's not behaving either (it's not even raining yet). TV2 had Chef Wan cooking a while ago but after that none of the free-to-air channels had anything good.
I went over my old movies collection. Found some old films. I've rewatched:
. Two Weeks Notice
. Wedding Singer
. Amelie
. Legally Blond
And now it's not even 4PM yet! Argh!
OK. Off to Fanfiction now...
I went to a few sites to get some stuff to watch, but connection's bad.
ASTRO's not behaving either (it's not even raining yet). TV2 had Chef Wan cooking a while ago but after that none of the free-to-air channels had anything good.
I went over my old movies collection. Found some old films. I've rewatched:
. Two Weeks Notice
. Wedding Singer
. Amelie
. Legally Blond
And now it's not even 4PM yet! Argh!
OK. Off to Fanfiction now...
Friday, September 26, 2008
Chutzpah!
This Chicken got a nasty shock yesterday. Our car was hit from behind by a gold coloured Toyata Camry WLV6805 at about 6.15PM on our way home.
We waved and asked the driver, a very smartly dressed 40-something complete with gold-rimmed glasses that's supposed to make him look oh-soh-professional, to stop.
But he just waved a "Pah! Nothing ma!" and sped off to the right! Not even a "sorry"!!!
Chutzpah!
Because the road came to a fork and we already went left to (try and find a good spot to) stop, we had no choice but to follow the trafic. We would've given the guy a chance had we not had the road dividers in between. Cis!
OK, Chicken was fasting. Boiling mad inside, but fasting.
So we decided, that's alright. Let's get through buka first. When we finally got a place to stop we checked for damage.
The bumper's all doinky and the plate number is ruined. Gonna cost us about RM4,000. How we know? Cause we've checked with our manufacturer la.
Takpe, takpe. Eat first. Be grateful first. Then on to Balai Polis Jalan Bandar to do our report.
Encik Polis: Nampak macam sikit je. Nak report juga?
Kitorang: Ya, sebab orang tu langgar lari Encik. (Dalam hati: Sikit pun bumper je RM3,900.00.)
Encik Polis: Isk ye ke! Baguslah report. Kita boleh kesan dia. Saman naik ni.
Kitorang: Terima kasih la Encik, tolong kitorang.
Encik Polis: Driver langgar lari ni memang tak hormat orang. Tak makan saman.
Kitorang: Memang Encik. Patutnya dapat je kesan kereta tu, terus rampas je kereta dia jangan bagi balik. Kalau rampas lesen je dia drive juga.
Encik Polis: Nanti saya sampaikan cadangan tu. Betul juga tu. Patut buat yang sama juga untuk driver-driver yang potong 'Q', yang ikut lorong emergency ke lorong teksi ke, mengekor ambulans ke. Baru la aman KL ni.
Kitorang: Kitorang sokong Encik.
Encik Polis: Nah sign sini, ambik copy report di Tingkat 1 Bilik 1.
Kitorang: Terima kasih Encik.
We waved and asked the driver, a very smartly dressed 40-something complete with gold-rimmed glasses that's supposed to make him look oh-soh-professional, to stop.
But he just waved a "Pah! Nothing ma!" and sped off to the right! Not even a "sorry"!!!
Chutzpah!
Because the road came to a fork and we already went left to (try and find a good spot to) stop, we had no choice but to follow the trafic. We would've given the guy a chance had we not had the road dividers in between. Cis!
OK, Chicken was fasting. Boiling mad inside, but fasting.
So we decided, that's alright. Let's get through buka first. When we finally got a place to stop we checked for damage.
The bumper's all doinky and the plate number is ruined. Gonna cost us about RM4,000. How we know? Cause we've checked with our manufacturer la.
Takpe, takpe. Eat first. Be grateful first. Then on to Balai Polis Jalan Bandar to do our report.
Encik Polis: Nampak macam sikit je. Nak report juga?
Kitorang: Ya, sebab orang tu langgar lari Encik. (Dalam hati: Sikit pun bumper je RM3,900.00.)
Encik Polis: Isk ye ke! Baguslah report. Kita boleh kesan dia. Saman naik ni.
Kitorang: Terima kasih la Encik, tolong kitorang.
Encik Polis: Driver langgar lari ni memang tak hormat orang. Tak makan saman.
Kitorang: Memang Encik. Patutnya dapat je kesan kereta tu, terus rampas je kereta dia jangan bagi balik. Kalau rampas lesen je dia drive juga.
Encik Polis: Nanti saya sampaikan cadangan tu. Betul juga tu. Patut buat yang sama juga untuk driver-driver yang potong 'Q', yang ikut lorong emergency ke lorong teksi ke, mengekor ambulans ke. Baru la aman KL ni.
Kitorang: Kitorang sokong Encik.
Encik Polis: Nah sign sini, ambik copy report di Tingkat 1 Bilik 1.
Kitorang: Terima kasih Encik.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Chicken hungry la...
Ramadhan datang lagi...
This Chicken is not any thinner because, who gets thinner during fasting month anyway? Not if you keep going to those drive-you-crazy Bazar Ramadhan?
Food's not getting any cheaper there, but sellers are getting bolder. Some of them did not even bother to get their temp licence yet charge for their dish as if they're paying double for the site they're using as business premise. Isk isk isk.
If only This Chicken can rely on other sources for buka.
Not at this rate when there's lots of egg-ing to do and you can't fart out fast enough.
Somemore one Otai Farmer up there wants the eggs to be in multiple forms. Just simply healthy brown eggs alone no longer enough.
Must have a few other versions of it. With colour skew and so-called personalised hue. Basically this Otai Farmer wants the chickens to go out to one egg-ing session, virtually fart a lil dotted egg from the site, then come back and fart one standard-sized brown version, and lastly vomit another mucky version of the same thing.
Plus when you want to send the lil dotted egg, you'll be needing some sort of farming equipment to do it. So who's gonna give us Chickens one? The Otai Farmer said each Chicken will get one, but have to co-pay for it, got easy-scheme what not.
Yeah right. So much work, so little time, add in hutang into the picture as well!
This Chicken got only one ass to do all the farting. Want me to grow another virtual lil ass? Bayarla!
OK sabar, sabar, puasa maa...
This Chicken is not any thinner because, who gets thinner during fasting month anyway? Not if you keep going to those drive-you-crazy Bazar Ramadhan?
Food's not getting any cheaper there, but sellers are getting bolder. Some of them did not even bother to get their temp licence yet charge for their dish as if they're paying double for the site they're using as business premise. Isk isk isk.
If only This Chicken can rely on other sources for buka.
Not at this rate when there's lots of egg-ing to do and you can't fart out fast enough.
Somemore one Otai Farmer up there wants the eggs to be in multiple forms. Just simply healthy brown eggs alone no longer enough.
Must have a few other versions of it. With colour skew and so-called personalised hue. Basically this Otai Farmer wants the chickens to go out to one egg-ing session, virtually fart a lil dotted egg from the site, then come back and fart one standard-sized brown version, and lastly vomit another mucky version of the same thing.
Plus when you want to send the lil dotted egg, you'll be needing some sort of farming equipment to do it. So who's gonna give us Chickens one? The Otai Farmer said each Chicken will get one, but have to co-pay for it, got easy-scheme what not.
Yeah right. So much work, so little time, add in hutang into the picture as well!
This Chicken got only one ass to do all the farting. Want me to grow another virtual lil ass? Bayarla!
OK sabar, sabar, puasa maa...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Street pedicure
^ Miss Saigon in the making.I've heard about the legendary beauty of Miss Saigon, and recently I had the chance to meet one in the making. No wonder la the ladies here are so pretty...
See beauty and personal grooming services are available along the streets in Saigon, and it is cheap too! One lady who was doing it said she charges only VND50,000 (=/-RM12) for both manicure and pedicure.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Crap in the Coop
Crap.*
There are just way too many wacko things going on in the coop. The Chickens in this Coop can only fart eggs, and wish only to fart out good eggs, but the quacks are making it extremely difficult to concentrate on delivering eggs and giving us Chickens more topics to poo about.
First, the Farmer.
Infamously lame, not quite warming up to the concept of Chickens being in the Coop because they could fart fresh eggs, instead loves leaving Chickens in big rooms of improvement. The head-honcho of the Coop who kowtows to the Little Napoleanina and the Concubine.
Second, the Little Napoleanina.
Tries to look and act cool but comes out looking power-trippy all the way. Loves to laugh at the idea of producing fresh eggs especially if the Farmer was the one making the lame-o jokes about it. The one who actually rules the Coop and calls the Pillar the best egg-farter in the world.
Third, the Donkey.
Nicknamed Donk, (Donk, not Don ala Don Coyote ye) Donkey is the resident talk-cocker. The bum that forces other Chickens to do OT. Always gay-and-giddy-upping outside the Coop and annoying the hell out of all Chickens too on top of everything. Gah! Farmer also calls Donk "Precious".
Fourth, the Concubine.
The crap* this post is all about. Adored and cherished by the Farmer and Little Napoleanina, this wacko David-Blaines changes on eggs on whim, as if no else (not even Chickens who actually the farted the eggs) know anything about eggs. Concubine also comes to the Coop and goes around town wearing a big-ass nametag that says, "TSK! I'M THE COOP'S CHIEF." Perasan betul...
Fifth, the Pillar
The egg-farter who once impressed the socks of Farmer and Little Napoleanina. The Coop's resident Gossip Girl, Pillar is also an expert when it comes to power-fanning the butts of the Farmer and Little Napoleanina.
Us, the Chickens
We eat, we drink, we meet them Darksiders^. We fart eggs. We gossip about the Farmer, Little Napoleanina, Donkey, Concubine and Pillar. Can't help it cause we're all in this charming lil' Coop. Thee hee hee.
^ Who's the Darksiders?
Maybe I'll tell you guys about them in another post.
There are just way too many wacko things going on in the coop. The Chickens in this Coop can only fart eggs, and wish only to fart out good eggs, but the quacks are making it extremely difficult to concentrate on delivering eggs and giving us Chickens more topics to poo about.
First, the Farmer.
Infamously lame, not quite warming up to the concept of Chickens being in the Coop because they could fart fresh eggs, instead loves leaving Chickens in big rooms of improvement. The head-honcho of the Coop who kowtows to the Little Napoleanina and the Concubine.
Second, the Little Napoleanina.
Tries to look and act cool but comes out looking power-trippy all the way. Loves to laugh at the idea of producing fresh eggs especially if the Farmer was the one making the lame-o jokes about it. The one who actually rules the Coop and calls the Pillar the best egg-farter in the world.
Third, the Donkey.
Nicknamed Donk, (Donk, not Don ala Don Coyote ye) Donkey is the resident talk-cocker. The bum that forces other Chickens to do OT. Always gay-and-giddy-upping outside the Coop and annoying the hell out of all Chickens too on top of everything. Gah! Farmer also calls Donk "Precious".
Fourth, the Concubine.
The crap* this post is all about. Adored and cherished by the Farmer and Little Napoleanina, this wacko David-Blaines changes on eggs on whim, as if no else (not even Chickens who actually the farted the eggs) know anything about eggs. Concubine also comes to the Coop and goes around town wearing a big-ass nametag that says, "TSK! I'M THE COOP'S CHIEF." Perasan betul...
Fifth, the Pillar
The egg-farter who once impressed the socks of Farmer and Little Napoleanina. The Coop's resident Gossip Girl, Pillar is also an expert when it comes to power-fanning the butts of the Farmer and Little Napoleanina.
Us, the Chickens
We eat, we drink, we meet them Darksiders^. We fart eggs. We gossip about the Farmer, Little Napoleanina, Donkey, Concubine and Pillar. Can't help it cause we're all in this charming lil' Coop. Thee hee hee.
^ Who's the Darksiders?
Maybe I'll tell you guys about them in another post.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Kasi sambelih itu projek!
^ Today's NST article, "PKR leader aims to review mega projects" featured Anwar Ibrahim's comment on mega projects, to which he said, "The RM15.2 billion high-speed broadband project would be cancelled as it was unnecessary.""Unnecessary."
Wow, it's like he's taking cue from this one guy we knew who recently said, "Technology supplements should not be published anymore because technology is dead."
Gosh, it's like telling the world, we don't need TV. Cause soon broadband's gonna be the new TV. Take TV for its information dissemination, education and entertainment values, and add globalisation, communication, interactivity, cross culture, knowledge exchange and so on and so on...
Hmm, is this all a big conspiracy to revert the people back into dark ages?
Chickens speak Farmer, Farmers no speak Chicken
This Chicken got a bit soft yesterday - participated in a little bit of lameness with the Farmer. Ya, it was one of those rare moments when Chickens indulge in speaking Farmerish.
In fact This Chicken was so fluent in Farmerish that we even shared a little chuckle together.
In retrospect, it was kinda nauseating.
But those rare days do come.
And those rare moments do take place. Just that when it happens, it happens in a flash, unplanned, almost always regretted by This Chicken the second later.
But will Farmer even speak Chicklish? I don't think so!
In fact This Chicken was so fluent in Farmerish that we even shared a little chuckle together.
In retrospect, it was kinda nauseating.
But those rare days do come.
And those rare moments do take place. Just that when it happens, it happens in a flash, unplanned, almost always regretted by This Chicken the second later.
But will Farmer even speak Chicklish? I don't think so!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Chicken vs Little Napoleanina
Before this post gets any further, let me just tell you what the outcome was:
This Chicken lost.
This Chicken lost to the Little Napoleanina, the nincompoop who came up with the idea of producing one helluv-an egg, yet could not figure out what colour the egg should be.
"White la!"
So you may say. Simple what.
Alo brader, eggs can come in many colours you know. White, off-white, pale white, brown, off-brown, pale brown, get the drift?
And This Chicken happens to be a fan of Easter eggs. You know, really colourful stuff? Quite hard to find but once you do it is worth telling people that you're the one who found it. If not pretty, you might as well don't have it.
Back to Little Napoleanina, who thinks all little napoleaninas are farmers by default. So Little Napoleanina found a great excuse of an egg, could not figure out what colour it should be, and then tells This Chicken to find lah a good one.
Suka-suka mak abah dia. Whoever wants an egg should freakin' fart one out la! Ape kes nak suruh gua pulak? Protest, protest.
But in the end, This Chicken ended up farting an egg out anyway. The colour? Blue. Of the gloomiest shade.
So what did This Chicken lost?
Her temper.
And whatever little amount of respect she had for Little Napoleanina 10 minutes ago.
This Chicken lost.
This Chicken lost to the Little Napoleanina, the nincompoop who came up with the idea of producing one helluv-an egg, yet could not figure out what colour the egg should be.
"White la!"
So you may say. Simple what.
Alo brader, eggs can come in many colours you know. White, off-white, pale white, brown, off-brown, pale brown, get the drift?
And This Chicken happens to be a fan of Easter eggs. You know, really colourful stuff? Quite hard to find but once you do it is worth telling people that you're the one who found it. If not pretty, you might as well don't have it.
Back to Little Napoleanina, who thinks all little napoleaninas are farmers by default. So Little Napoleanina found a great excuse of an egg, could not figure out what colour it should be, and then tells This Chicken to find lah a good one.
Suka-suka mak abah dia. Whoever wants an egg should freakin' fart one out la! Ape kes nak suruh gua pulak? Protest, protest.
But in the end, This Chicken ended up farting an egg out anyway. The colour? Blue. Of the gloomiest shade.
So what did This Chicken lost?
Her temper.
And whatever little amount of respect she had for Little Napoleanina 10 minutes ago.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
UiTM oh UiTM
I am, well partly anyways, a UiTM product, tis one of the best training and learning ground I've ever attended.
During my time there, I like UiTM because of its:
1] Unconditional love for practicality.
For example, the lecturers always share updated skills, best practices and lessons learnt - the rest, don't bother (OK la, once in a while they remind us what poopbooboo you musn't do), not gonna be in asked exams anyway. We get more group tasks rather than individual basis. Most of the time, we have to do groupwork. Meaning divide and conquer. Meaning if you get lousy teammates, you can report to the lecturer everytime they screw team meetings then ditch their names out of the paper before you submit it. Totally acceptable.
2] Emphasis on let's-get-real, real-world experience.
Internship is a must. No internship, no diploma/degree. Of course with internship you get to learn the fact that some of your lousy teammates will likely end up getting a job as well as they too get to claim that they've done the real world thing, and they might just grow to become the assholes that grace the workplace outside. The good news is, you get to see their asses gets kicked by the officers/staff at the place where they do internship. Super cool!
3] Hardsell on long-term thinking.
Like you submit your theses in softcopy, print only the final/approved copy, save a tree, save the environment, save the world (sorry no cheerleader involved). Plus when you have lousy teammates you won't have to worry about having to minimise on printing paper as they produce nothing worth printing anyway, and they end up not ace-ing, and further down the road there is no need to waste paper for printing their scrolls which they are to embarrased to show anyone anyway.
4] Job opportunities available on campus.
The programming students get to commercialise their codes, the music students get to perform tunes like the Mission Impossible theme song during convocations, the photography students get to take photos of the graduating students and sell it back to them on the cheap (well it was very affordable during my time la no need to go to studios)... Oh ya, you can also become "part-time" security guards. The guys can just walk back to dorm 15 minutes after curfew while the gals can simply wear short-sleeve tees. Guaranteed to garner you a two-hour lecture by the (mostly) Little Napoleans who actually just want some company while they keep an eye on the grounds from their comfy little guard house.
Now who wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to be in UiTM? Syok oo..
During my time there, I like UiTM because of its:
1] Unconditional love for practicality.
For example, the lecturers always share updated skills, best practices and lessons learnt - the rest, don't bother (OK la, once in a while they remind us what poopbooboo you musn't do), not gonna be in asked exams anyway. We get more group tasks rather than individual basis. Most of the time, we have to do groupwork. Meaning divide and conquer. Meaning if you get lousy teammates, you can report to the lecturer everytime they screw team meetings then ditch their names out of the paper before you submit it. Totally acceptable.
2] Emphasis on let's-get-real, real-world experience.
Internship is a must. No internship, no diploma/degree. Of course with internship you get to learn the fact that some of your lousy teammates will likely end up getting a job as well as they too get to claim that they've done the real world thing, and they might just grow to become the assholes that grace the workplace outside. The good news is, you get to see their asses gets kicked by the officers/staff at the place where they do internship. Super cool!
3] Hardsell on long-term thinking.
Like you submit your theses in softcopy, print only the final/approved copy, save a tree, save the environment, save the world (sorry no cheerleader involved). Plus when you have lousy teammates you won't have to worry about having to minimise on printing paper as they produce nothing worth printing anyway, and they end up not ace-ing, and further down the road there is no need to waste paper for printing their scrolls which they are to embarrased to show anyone anyway.
4] Job opportunities available on campus.
The programming students get to commercialise their codes, the music students get to perform tunes like the Mission Impossible theme song during convocations, the photography students get to take photos of the graduating students and sell it back to them on the cheap (well it was very affordable during my time la no need to go to studios)... Oh ya, you can also become "part-time" security guards. The guys can just walk back to dorm 15 minutes after curfew while the gals can simply wear short-sleeve tees. Guaranteed to garner you a two-hour lecture by the (mostly) Little Napoleans who actually just want some company while they keep an eye on the grounds from their comfy little guard house.
Now who wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to be in UiTM? Syok oo..
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